A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,Sorry if my question is a tad cheesy and confusing but I could really use your help. I was on one of those chat lines tonight and met a wonderful guy who lives an hour away from me. He's the sweetest guy I've talked to in a long time. We connected almost immediately. Anyway, we exchanged phones and all and chatted for a while. By the end of the conversation he was calling me 'sweetie' and made me promise we would talk again.My issue here is that, well, he doesn't know what I look like. And don't get me wrong, I am a decent looking girl, I hear it all the time. But i am overweight and that's a fact, many men don't like that. I, on the other hand, like the way I am. But... how do I tell him that? what if he really doesn't like me?... what a let downQuestion is, how do I say this to him? It almost makes me feel like I am some sort of monster. Its like.. hi! I am fat, what's your name?.. like he needs to know this before he meets me.Any suggestions?Thank you much for your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): I absolutely loved it in your posting when you stated, "I am overweight and that's a fact, many men don't like that. I, on the other hand, like the way I am" . I have a close family member who is a woman of size, and she is amazingly brilliant, gorgeous and so kind to all. A lot of people adore her, but like you, she's well aware about the animosity and prejudice out there towards large people, and yes, many men especially are this way. But there are some that will love you for YOU. Maybe he's one of them..maybe he's not. You won't know until you tell him.
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Anyways, the best thing you can do is, be honest and truthful, and remember you are a big beautiful woman of size. Send him a photo and let him also see, you have confidence and self-assurances and most of all...self-respect. He takes you as is, hun! And for the people who are prejudiced against the big people? Well, I always think the reason other's do that is because they need a scapegoat, someone to feel superior to. Thus it's them with the problem and quite frankly, who needs them. Just my spin on that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhere do I begin to thank you for your overwhelming responses... Thanks to the moderator for taking the time to create a thoughtful and respectful title.
Thank you guys for your wonderful answers. To update you on the situation, we have not spoken since last night.
I guess that if the subject does come up, I will apply your suggestions here and hope for the best.
Once again, thank you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Hmmm just a tip.. I always describe myself as a 'steak and cake' woman.. and im not frigile looking.. and you would be surprised how many men respond in a positive way.. im a large woman.. and to be fair, I would always want to be with someone who like me for me and not for the fact that I push a salad around a plate.. good luck xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): There is always the possibility that "negative" attributes may be overlooked for other attributes, though there remains a risk in giving details about oneself over a period of time, pacific things can possibly be a deal breaker, thus often dissapointment and awkwardness.
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A
female
reader, mz sexie azz  +, writes (14 September 2008):
i would start off by asking what type of women he likes and if he say thin, then throw a-so,u dont like thick woman,uh-if it falls ur way then jus run wit it and have fun,theres nothing wrong wit being thick,boo but if he say that he never bn wit a thick woman u can play wit that 2--if he dont like u cause u is thick then its good u found out now and keep it moving-there is alot of man that luv thick woman,jus b yourself
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 September 2008):
Well if you are working up to meeting then you can describe yourselves to each other and you can drop in that you are "curvy" and see how he reacts.
The work up to swapping photos.
He may want a stick insect for a girlfriend, or he may think you are the most beautiful creature on earth.
When you do meet him, follow all the normal rules about doing it safely, telling a friend, doing it in a public place, etc.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (14 September 2008):
 I would, with all due respect, do this gently, and I don't know if Colombia does Wieght watchers or the like, but you can always say that you're going there in a minute or something so that he knows you are thinking about your weight, but yes - I have nothing against (as McCall Smith says,) traditionally built women.I remeber I had a french corispondant round once, and her photo made her look really long and tall and plump, but when i met her, she was smaller than me with a skinny figure and a round little face. Oh I love the french... anyhow, so, it is very easy to get the wrong impresion, as you can see. You could ask what he looks like - that's simple enough, and useful, if you are going to meet up, and you can say, Well I'm (hair eye colour etc.) and (short tall) and big. I don't want to be overwieght, because I don't like that, but I don't want to be skinny, because then you are frail and you have to watch what you eat... and there is noway you can stop me eating chocolate. Stuff calories, eh?Well, feeling slightly more cheerful, i bid thee farewell, and best of luck, old thing.Jellyxxx
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 September 2008):
 Perhaps you should ask him what does he look for in a woman and see what his answer is.
If this is bothering you that much then you should both have a picture up on this site as it goes both ways, how do you know that he isn't overweight or has a third eye(?), just joking but you know what I mean.
If you do intend to meet up with him then be careful and make sure you have a friend nearby and you also meeet in a busy place.
Don't be too naive over this as people portray themselves as one thing on line but until you meet them face to face it is hard to know what they are really like.
Even after a first meeting I would remain wary and don't give out too many personal details like your address or anything until you are sure what this man is all about.
As for the weight issue it really is up to you if you want to tell him or not. Beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder but you say you are happy with how you are but I wonder if you are really as you would be happy to tell him if that is the case.
Perhaps say the one thing that concerns me is that I am no stick insect and see what he replies to that, you may be surprised by his reaction.
Let us know how you get on.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): Telephone dating is always gonna be risky inasmuch as neither party really knows what to expect when they meet. S'pose HE turns out to be a chubster - would that bother you? Anyway, I would advise, next time you chat, you tell him what you look like and insist he tells you about his appearance too - no problem!Good luck, hope it goes well!
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