A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 months. we are both 15. he says that i have changed his life because i make him so happy and i am amazing to him. he also makes me happy and i am in love with him. recently he fingered me, and i wasn't ready, and at the time i thought it would be awkward if i told him not to do it. afterwards he acted like nothing happened, so my friend spoke to him about it and told him i wasn't ready. then me and him spoke about it and we agreed that i would tell him next time if i didn't want him to do something. the other day he tried to do it again and i said no, and he was fine about it. he has invited me round his house and we will be home alone. i think he wants to have sex but i am unsure if i want to. but i am scared that if i keep saying no to everything he tries he will think i'm 'frigid' and break up with me. i don't want this to happen. it feels almost unnatural for me to have a sexual relationship with someone because i never have before. what shall i do? or say to him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): i had the same problem too. if you are not ready tell him politely that you dont want to do it yet. remember; this is a very important step that you will remember in your hole life. try your first time is special with the right person. your first time has to be like a fairitale.
tell him "no" if you are not ready. it won't cause the end of the world.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): i had the same problem too. if you are not ready tell him politely that you dont want to do it yet. remember; this is a very important step that you will remember in your hole life. try your first time is special with the right person. your first time has to be like a fairitale.
tell him "no" if you are not ready. it won't cause the end of the world.
Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): If he forces you at your age, it's sexual assault. If you don't want to do it, tell him, and if he ignores you, I recommend that you find someone more patient.
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A
female
reader, myfairdiva  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 How do you tell him you're not ready, exactly like that. "This is important for me and I don't feel ready yet".
You are 15, and it's normal to feel all those hormones having a war inside, but please DO NOT rush into this, do not do it until you feel it's right. I didn't have my first time until I was 22.
For most girls, (and boys), it's important to keep virginity until they find someone who feels right, who respects you, someone who reciprocates your feelings, and someone to create a beautiful memory with.
If after saying no, he starts thinking you're "frigid", then he is a complete jerk and is not worth your time, and he didn't think you were that amazing after all; so if this leads to a break up, good riddance.
Maybe with time, you will feel he's the right person, if you do, please inform yourself about safe sex.
Good luck. xx
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Christ, what's the big deal with having sex nowadays?? I didn't lose my virginity until i was 17, and it was a beautiful moment. I reckon there are a lot of people out there who regret their first time because they weren't really ready and they didn't want to be seen as 'frigid' either, so they already have a bad memory that will be with them for the rest of their lives!!!
To be honest, when i was your age, i would have rather have been called frigid than have had to live with the memory of my first time not being special. So get a grip, if you're not ready, TELL HIM!! this is where you find out exactly how he feels about you. If he is genuine, he will respect the fact that you're not ready for it and he won't push things, if he's only after one thing, then he will chuck you and call you frigid. At least you will see him for what he really is if that happens.
Be strong, you know you're not ready, don't let him bully you into doing something your not ready for.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Dont do it until you are sure its right for you. You dont want to regret your first time, and yu will if you rush into it. Plus you may be wrong about what he wants. If he is going to dump you because you wont have sex with him then, and you wont understand that now, you are better off without him. He doesnt love you if he can dump you because you wont follow his physical needs. Dont rush it honey.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 December 2010):
 You're 13-15! Of COURSE you're not ready! First though, you need to speak up for yourself. If you're too nervous around a guy to not speak up and then have a friend of yours talk to him, then you absolutely shouldn't be having sex with him or for that matter be alone in a house!
He's full of raging hormones, and he's going to push you to go farther and farther physically. You on the other hand have a problem saying no. I don't think you're quite ready for a relationship until you can find your own assertive self-assured voice. Guys can find an emotional weakness and boy will they exploit it.
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A
male
reader, james223  +, writes (27 December 2010):
Talk to him and explain to him how you much love him how much your in need of him, you care for him
and how much he means to you, tell him how he keeps you smiling how he makes you happy what ever you feel towords him let everything out tell him everuthing if he means to you by the way you tell that your not ready then explain all that dont start talking to him and explaining your feallings towrds him then say no his gana be like oh yea thats all what i was waiting for na tell no then explain besides your still a baby. Take care hope everything works out for ya :-) let me no what happens. Cya
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Kiddo, if he breaks up with you because you're not putting out he's not worth your time to begin with. Don't let him pressure you into anything. Wait until it feels completely right within *you* before you do anything. And being home alone with him might not be the best idea, you know?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Have you discussed any sort of boundaries with him or not? In your case, I would just simply tell him that you are not ready to do anything like that yet. You could ask him to do something else such as sit on the couch and just cuddle with him. If you have not talked about boundaries yet, then do it soon.
That is what I would suggest as I am around 17 and in the same age group.
Hope it works out for you and I hope that this was helpful.
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A
female
reader, needlesandpinsuh +, writes (27 December 2010):
First of all, a guy who breaks up with you at your stage in life for being uncomfortable physically with him is being a jerk and not worth any of your time. He's looking for one thing and will get it from someone else.
Secondly, DON'T become sexually active until you feel you are ready. And Feel No Guilt for not being ready before your time. It will come eventually. You might still feel it unnatural because it is so new and a big turning point, but you'll know that you're ready when you're with the right person.
Don't start having sex just because your peers have started. And don't rush things, certainly not for guys who mean nothing to you nor you to them. Pressuring you and breaking up with you for not giving in is you not meaning anything to them. You are clearly not sexually interested in this one at this time and he needs to understand or move on.
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A
male
reader, Tonywoodo +, writes (27 December 2010):
Well if he does want sex with you and you don't want to then say no but because you have rejected him of what he wanted you should let him do stuff with you just not sex or give him an endless night of kissing either should be okay hope you enjoy your night!
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