A
male
age
30-35,
*etalinvasion92
writes:This really isnt a life or death question but ive been playing the trumpet for 5 years now and ive been told that i am really good at it. However my passion is jazz and my mom wont let me join a jazz band only a classical band. She actually becomes enfuriated when i even play jazz. How can i make her undertsnad that i dont like this clissical crap she has me doing now and jazz is like ... my thing its what i like to do, and how do i tell her that i have snuck out of the house to go to jazz concerts and play in a few jazz concerts? Reply to this Question
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reader, duce00 +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I think that its great that you have a passion for music. I started on the trumpet and then moved on to the electric guitar at 15 and still play and practice on a regular basis at 37. I was forever changed once I started playing the guitar. Music is and will allways be a big part of my life. I cant imagine what Id be like without being able to express my self on my instrument, its my solace, my place to vent frustration, sorrow, you name it. You sound like such a dedicated and inspired young musician and I totally loved reading your post and just had to respond.
Heres my advice. Continue your practice but refrain from forms of dishonesty with your folks. Your mom sounds like she wants you to play "proper" music and thats fine. Sure classical aint so hip but dig on some Wynton Marsellas and tell me that guy doesnt kick ass, hes classically trained. Take in all the training and information you can INCLUDING JAZZ. I think that if you really polished your chops and put your mom in a room and played a sweet ballad with you and some real good players you would knock her freakin socks off. She may be a hard ass but she loves you and wouldnt be able to not take pride in your talent. The other thing to remember is that your not far away from college. You can take the direction YOU choose when you get there. Dont diss the classical totally though, let it round you out as a player. Miles started at Julliard man! Its all music dude, take it all in!
I am playing Celtic music with one friend and hard core Tool type stuff with another. I have played Jazz, Rock Fusion, Blues and even country. Its good to draw from alot of sources because it makes you more versatile. Sure I have my preferences but I dont let that keep me from experimenting. You shouldnt either in music or in life.
Respect your folks and make a point of impressing your Mom some time. I think you may change her view on that crazy Jazz noise you have meen making! I wish you the very very best, let me know how it goes.
A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Tell your mom that God has given you a gift and passion for Jazz and not even she can stop you from going after what is in your heart. Don't tell her about sneaking out. You already did it and dont need to bring it up. Do show her the benefits of you being in Jazz. Have teachers send home things saying how talented you are and even start looking at schools that train you in Jazz or even offer scholarships for it. Show your mom that you will never leave it. She can get mad all she wants but that wont stop you from being involved in it even if it is in your mind.
Do find out what her issue is with it. Ask her plainly. It could just be that she always wanted to be in classical band or she associates Jazz with a certain lifestyle. Whatever the case you strive to do what you want until you can achieve the dreams you set out to do. i wish you God's best. Keep blowing your horn!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 I wouldn't tell her that you've been sneaking out. Save that story for the day when you've grown up and are sitting around talking at a family reunion about the days of your youth. It'll be received much better when it's years gone by. As for your passion, continue to pursue it. You have to be true to yourself. Above all. If you've tried telling your Mom about your love for jazz and she still doesn't accept it it,(have you asked her why?) then perhaps she associates it with the sort of person who will have a wandering soul, and drift around in life, never making much out of himself. Whereas on the other hand, perhaps she sees classical music as a person who has values and goals, and will settle down eventually and have a normal family life. I suspect there are some stereotypes that's haunting her and causing her to force her own taste onto you. Try not to be disrespectful, you still have alot of years ahead of you before you'll be old enough to move out and live on your own. Ask her for a compromise. An hour of practicing classical, then an hour of practicing jazz. Maybe when she sees that you really put your heart and soul into jazz music she'll allow you the chance to be an individual. Whatever her reasons are, I suspect her heart's in the right place. Good luck.
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female
reader, Beckto +, writes (29 August 2007):
 I know you don't think this is funny at all, but your post made me grin a bit. Ever read a biography on jazz legend Nina Simone? She snuck out of the house as a kid to sing jazz at clubs around town. She did it under an alias so she wouldn't get caught. Imagine how she felt at the time - I believe her father was a preacher!
I know this is a tough time since you're still pretty young and you want to do what you want to do! But, you are, after all a bit young to play in clubs... A lot of bad influences can hide themselves at a jazz club. You're young enough to be influenced by them without knowing it. So be careful! (I've snuck out as a teenager to sing at jazz clubs, myself, so I know from experience!)
But, take it from the pros like Winton Marsalis and Keith Jarrett: classical music is a good study, even for jazz musicians. Winton can jam as much on Bach fugues as on bebop standards. Keith too! Stick with classical to make you an even better jazz musician. I know Roy Hargrove did, too. Is there any place at school where you can play what you want in private, away from your mom? During lunch, maybe?
Besides, there's a lot more to jazz music than just playing it. As a future jazz professional, you need to learn about all the legends who played trumpet, as well as the other performers. Read books, listen to music on your headphones, look up famous legends online. Do your research so that when you're older, you'll be way ahead of the game. PM me if you want a list of people to start with.
It's your choice if you tell your mom or not. But, I have to say, it's dangerous to sneak out, so be careful. If something bad happens to you while you're out and you get caught, you mom could take your trumpet away!! That would be awful, so be careful.
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 I think the best thing you can do is sit down with your mum on your own with no distractions and talk to her. Explain your passion is jazz and playing it makes you happy, where as classical doesn't. As a parent she should want you to be happy and its not like you hate playing the trumpet altogether and want to give it up. She'll still have a son who plays.
Try not to argue with her as this wont sort the situation out. Just explain that you want to play jazz and are already taking part in jazz concerts. I don't know if telling her you have snuck out the house will help your case at all.
This may sound a harsh thing to do but if she insists you play classical then say you dont want to play anymore as classical isn't what you want to do.
My mum was pushy when I was at school. She wanted me to be on the netball team like her at school, but I loved playing cricket. It caused many arguments and in the end I told her I'd give up all my sports (I played on the hockey team and also ran on the cross country team). It was a bit risky of me cause if she had stood her ground I don't think I would of given hockey and running up but she saw how much I loved cricket and hated netball, and she relaxed after that and supported my choices to make me happy.
Good luck!
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