A
male
age
30-35,
*lawedguy127
writes:I am in extreme emotional distress. My friend, whom I have grown quite infatuated with, has just exited a two year relationship; she is not ready for another boyfriend. I suspect however, that she is aware of my feelings for her, for lately she has been acting quite awkwardly around me; I do not want to be involved with her yet (out of respect for her emotions.. and fear that this is simply not the right time to begin such a potentially meaningful romance). The question is: How do I subtley tell her that I am not interested, while I truly am? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PM  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 I'm curious as to why you feel you need to tell her anything.
If you feel that now is not the right time, then simply wait for the right time. The only problem with waiting is that someone else may come along who will get to her before you do.
I'm also curious as to why you feel you have to tell her you're NOT interested. In no relationship would I advocate lying and this is no exception. If you have to tell her something, you might as well tell her the truth. It's better to be rejected for the man you are than to be accepted for the man that you're not.
If you're not comfortable with her being awkward around you, then simply give her some space for a while. I know the temptation is to be a good friend to her and help her through the break up and healing process, but if done in the wrong way, you may end up as ONLY her friend without possibility for anything more because she will view your friendship as more valuable to her than having you as a boyfriend. It's easy for her to find a boyfriend if she is fun and attractive, but it is not nearly as easy for her to find a friend who will stick with her through thick and thin. I'm not saying that you can't be the shoulder to cry on, but just wary of the consequences of presenting yourself in the wrong light.
A
female
reader, Sexy Mama +, writes (19 November 2007):
Tell her how you truely feel. Don't tell her you are not interested just let her know that you are interested but you don't think it's a good time to start a relationship between you two. Honesty always works best.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 November 2007):
 I'd just be straight out with it and say something like hey i like you and i've liked you for a long time but i've respected your relationship with the ex and i will continue to respect you by giving you your space, but if you're interested and when you're ready, i'll be here. That way there's no huge pressure on her to make up her mind, and she'll find it sweet that you're so considerate, and sexy that you're so forward with your honest feelings, but she'll also have the option of backing away without overtly or painfully rejecting you.
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