A
female
age
36-40,
*NUoNlybabe
writes:I have been on and off again with the same guy for over a year now. There is a lot more detail I wish I could give to the situation but to spare the essay I'll sum it up as best I can. This is not my first relationship, I'm 24 and I've been in two long term serious relationships but have never come across a guy like this. Pretty much , he fell hard , and I'm stubborn and take my time to make sure it's more than just a fling . After a few months he took my moving slow as me not liking him and things have never been the same. We've been on and off ever since even though we've admitted our love for eachother and we've never dated anyone else in the last year. He goes in spurts where he won't return texts or says I have the wrong number but as soon as I start to accept the facts and let go he pops up again, without fail... Always. We have a connection that is out of this world and I don't want to lose it but I don't know how to take it to the next level , I don't mind that we only sleep with eachother but I want more. I dont know if I can just give up and walk away and I don't want to. Help!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 July 2012):
Hi. Perhaps then, your best course of action from now on, might be to stop texting him altogether.
What I mean by this, is to let him initiate ALL contact with you, from now on.
Don't text him just because you haven't heard anything for a few days.
You need to be patient.
You already know how each of you feels, so there is no question about sincerity, is there?
What appears to be needed now by him, is some space to go away and think about everything.
He might need a couple of weeks, or even a month or 2.
However, no matter how long it takes him, he needs that time to himself nevertheless.
He can't possibly make any kind of serious decision, while ever you are in his face all the time, trying to force him to make up his mind quickly.
It just doesn't work that way.
In fact, if you were to do that, it could push him away from you altogther!
And that's NOT what you want, is it?
He probably does still feel the way he did before, however, he doesn't want to find his heart gets broken, so he's being super cautious at the moment, until he has more time to think about it from all angles.
And these kinds of decisions can't be taken lightly, by any means.
And NOR should they.
We are after all, talking about the future - his and yours - aren't we?
So we are talking about the long term - NOT just today and tomorrow, or a year from now.
We are talking about the rest of his life here.
So when you think about it in those terms, it's a pretty big decision, wouldn't you say?
And just as big a decision for you also.
All that's need by you now is:-
(1) Patience.
(2) No texting him - unless he texts you FIRST.
(3) To give him the space he needs - to think about things - even if it gets to be 2 months.
(4) Wait for him to contact you, whenever that ends up being.
And with the course of time, see how things pan out.
A
female
reader, UNUoNlybabe +, writes (5 July 2012):
UNUoNlybabe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe last time I opened up and said anything was through a text and I just kinda broke the dam and that's when he said I needed to calm down and that we could be friends but not date again. But I did tell him all of this after we had ran into eachother and gotten together after a period of not talking for 4 months . It's very complicated... But I do know that just a day ago one of the things I said to him that night he quoted and agreed that neither of us would find anyone better . Yet we never talk like we used to now , Im just as unsure of where I stand although he's a Virgo and I read Virgos expect u to know they love you that they don't always have to confess to you but I'm not so sure.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (5 July 2012):
Hi there. It sounds like you need to sit down with him and tell him all this.
You have an amazing connection with him you said, so he must feel this way also.
Perhaps the reason he cools off a bit from time to time, is because he doesn't know where he stands with you, and is wondering if he might be wasting his time.
So you could ask him over to your place, and when you are alone, just tell him how you feel.
Mention to him that just sleeping together isn't enough, and that he means more to you than just sex.
He really needs to know that he does have a chance with you, and that you are not playing games with his heart.
At the moment, he really doesn't know that at all.
So it could be time to give him some clarity.
It seems obvious that he wants more than casual sex too, so make it clear to him that you feel the same way.
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