A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfrien for 4 years. I've known him for 10. He has a 9 year old son and a 16 year old son with 2 women. I've seen his youngest son a few times but he didnt formally introduce him to me. Ihave never met his older son. We now have a 2 month old baby and he still has not introduced the baby to his kids. He is a really private person, he doesnt think its apropiate to discuss his private life to others. This has me confused about him. When I bring up the subject he acts like that doesnt matter and its not important. I dont want to b a part of his kids life but I think if we are together, we should at least all know eachother. What does this mean? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I can't shake the thought of something here.
Usually, when you see this sort of thing happening, there's only one thing that pops into my head, and that's a double life. People who hide behind privacy in matters like this have something to hide. Has he even told them about you? I'm wondering who he doesn't want to know about you, and that screams another woman to me.
People who live double lives are very particular about not letting them cross, because that would be catastrophic to everyone, most of all him. The kids are 9 and 16. Who are they living with? 2 different women? I'd be very worried that another woman out there thinks she has him all to herself, and he's pulled the "I'm private" wool over her eyes as well. I'd even worry about him being married. The fact that you and he have been together for 4 years is meaningless.
It shouldn't get any more private for him than you and your new family and his kids. If he's claiming that something is more private, then he's hiding another woman.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I agree with YouWish.
something is odd.
YOU are part of the PRIVATE and the kids have a right to know they have half siblings.
are you two living together? when does he see the other kids? if you live together what happens?
something sits so badly here with me.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2012):
I may be narrow minded in this subject, but my opinion is that once the notion of siblings or half-siblings are concerned, not to mention having sex and bearing children have entered the scene, the excuse of "I'm private" is utterly disqualified.
If the guy can't let the kid's siblings know they have a brother, then there is something really and seriously wrong. There's no such thing as "I'm private" at this point. Doesn't think it's appropriate? Then keep it in your pants and spend time with his family.
You've been his boyfriend for 4 years? That's 3 years and 10 months too long in my opinion. I would bet my right eye that he's got a strong personality or you've got a passive one, or you wouldn't have put up with this crap for one second. If one of his sons is 16, I'm thinking he's at least 40 if not older, no? I've seen large age differences that work, but there's also a power difference here too.
You should all know each other at this point. If he's fathering children with you, and you've been together 4 years, you should be in the most inner circle of his private life, meaning his kids should know about you and you should have met them long before now, especially if they've grown. I'd wonder why he's so ashamed of you in the first place.
Not meaning to be harsh, but he's giving the signs that he doesn't see you as serious, despite your child together. Patience is a virtue, but this level of secrecy is a massive red flag.
You should tell him this:
If his grown children are kept from the knowledge that they have a sibling now, it is an utter crime against humanity. What monster doesn't tell grown (read: GROWN) children that they have siblings? To hide behind privacy is suspicious and questions his very integrity as a man.
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