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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This is driving me nuts! My girlfriend dresses like a complete slut! I like a girl dressing confidently and showing some skin but this is over the top. Even her own friends make comments! I find it totally unattractive and its making me doubt the future of the relationship. I mean i dont see myself with a wife that dresses like a slapper settin a bad example for my kids,etc. I know its still way in the future but if im putting effort into a relationship i want to know it cud go somewhere.She's a nice girl i cant understand why she does this? Does she not realise she has a BF and MAYBE i DONT want the rest of the world seeing her tits n arse? Or is she looking for a quick fling n this is her way of finding one?How can i go about telling her how i feel? and ask her to wear less revealing cloths WITHOUT sounding like her mother?Appreciate any thoughts, Thanks !BEN (20yrs) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Chita79  +, writes (16 February 2007):
Very interesting topic indeed… my issue is that a woman that I’ve been dating now for over a month now has a "different" style that consists of places like American Eagle/Anthropologie/Free People. I would like to see her wear more flattering clothing that’s a little tighter fitting (BEBE/BCBG/DKNY/Guess). There is a fine line between wearing something that’s slutty and sexy/flattering. And its not like she cant wear these kinda clothes, she has a great body. As for me... I wouldn’t say I’m quite "metro", but I do believe that I have a good fashion sense and I like shopping at stores like Armani/DKNY/Hugo Boss/Kenneth Cole…etc. I guess what I’m saying is... I would really like it if her style was more "in sync" with mine. I'm not sure how to deal with this situation because whenever I see her I just cant give her many compliments since I’m really not feeling the look at all. Any suggestions?
A particularly concerned individual
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007): Hey...Why don't you go shopping with your girlfriend and show her the clothes you like? Or buy her some as a present. You could always tell her the way she dressed came on a little too strong. Just don't directly say: YOU LOOK LIKE A SLUT. Good luck! Cara -x-
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 If she dressed like this before, why are you trying to change her?
Surely it is up to her to decide how she dresses. Her so called friends are hypocrit as well.
Wearing revealing clothes is part of her personality and does not mean she is on the pull every night.
you have the option of accept her the way she is or find someone more reserved.
Would you be attracted to someone covered top to bottom (no bits on show to fancy) Remember the first thing you liked about her. Tits or arse?
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female
reader, DeeDoc +, writes (16 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Hi'ya Ben, thanks to much for posting back. Okay, you must remember that fashion changes as often as we change our minds. She was already dressing sexy to begin with. Apparently, that is one of the things that attracted you towards her. You did state that she is a very nice girl. Well, in my opinion, she is STILL that very nice girl. She is just keeping up with the fashion trend. I think by the time you two get married and have children, the fashion will change, as well as the fashion sense of a mother. Which will probably not fit into the catagory of a 6" skirt and she won't be frequent in the bar scene as much being married as well. And please do not feel that you have to bend to peer pressure from your friends either. You go home with her, not with them. I say let her express herself and when you see a 'dress code' that will show her privates, just tell her that you can see them. She might just change her attire. You never know. There is no way of gently telling your mate she dresses like a slut, remember, she is a nice girl. Good luck to you, Ben.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): She is far too young for you. You want someone way older than you, who dresses drabbly and looks years older. No seriously, she is a young girl, she is dressing to go with that age. If you don't like it then move on. Get yourself someone who isn't going to make you feel embarrassed. Personally, i think you are a lucky bloke. You have a girl who has so much confidence she goes out there and wear what she wants. Who wants someone who 'fits in' with the boring crowd. Get a life!
Take care
xx
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Hi Ben, I can understand you feeling like this....but I know think I know why. Are your mates making inappropriate comments about her and it is making you embarrassed? Don't develop your views soley to 'fit in' with your peer group. Let us know how things go hunny!
xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): hey its Ben to answer your Q DeeDoc when i met her she wore short skirts but not so short that they were distasteful, i mean she looked sexy in them and if she wore THEM it wouldn't bother me at all! But now she weres things that dont actually look "sexy" for example she wore a cow girl outfit to go out clubbing for her m8s birthday the skirt was about 6inches from her waist literally! There was this one photo from the night were she was completely drunk standing on staggering and u can see everything up her skirt! If i was walking by n i didn't kno her...i realy cant see me thinking to myself 'i want to go out with that girl' but as a person she's a really nice girl so i cant justify dumping her over this! Wot to do????
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): Well, You definitely are NOT allowed to tell her what to wear and how to look. And you'd better get out of this relationship if it's not intolerable for you. Is she tops herself it does not necesserily mean that she is plotting flings or makes those "slags on the streets" fancy her overnights. Why don't you recognize her fashion and her taste for such clothes and instead of aggressive behind-the-back talks like this you posted here, tell her straightly that you're uncomfy with what she puts on and her dressing up trait. I know that this sure makes you feel jealous, as almost all men feel the same in such sdituations, but it's not logic to impose your "favorite outfits" on her. Kid's Bloves, don't forget!
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female
reader, DeeDoc +, writes (15 January 2007):
THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Hi sweetie. I have a question. How was she dressing when you met her? If she was dressing conservatively, then there might be an issue as to why she is changing her fashion. If she dressed like this when you met her, in my opinion, you should not try to change that.
Before I can really say anything, I would like to know how she was dressing when you met her. That is a big key to getting valid advise.
I'll be checking back to find out your reply.
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female
reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Hey, hey! Just wanted to say that I used to be the same way: I had no taste in clothes that covered me up anymore than neccesary, but I still love baring a lot of skin sometimes: Feels so natural and good, and I'm not trying to catch anyone's attention but my boyfriend, who showers me with affection anyway...But if it's concerning you that she won't eventually 'grow out of it', ask her why she favors these clothes. Do it politely and you'll likely get a good response, or at least a kindly-toned one. She's likely just trying to make herself feel great about her body. Next time she wears something that covers her up more say something like 'You look HOT in that', or 'Those clothes look SO awesome on you...I should take you out to buy more outfits like that'. Once she truly realizes you favor the clothes without all of the skin, she'll drop the floozy-look most likely. I did. It took a gift certificate to Abercrombie to get it into my skull. I'm happy it's overwith. :) Enjoy life! -Carrie
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reader, bamsidol4 +, writes (15 January 2007):
 i hate that too man, but it is her choice. but you should talk to her about it and ask her why she dressed like that. i mean she already has a BF and wat is she tryin to do now. she doesnt have to amaze ne one but you, and if she chooses to do the opposite than just find someone else, someone that wont do that, someone who knows that clothes dont make up their beauty. its themsleves
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female
reader, sweetiegirl  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 You can't say anything to her about the way she dresses, it's her fasion and it's one of the only ways she can express herself. But really things could be alot worse, does she ingore you, or doesn't act like a g/f to you or does she pay alot of attention to other guys, or does she love you alot. See the way you could look at this is she's showing off for you, she wants you to notice what she looks like, she might be the type of girl that thinks, other guys can look at me but you know what my b/f is the only one i want, dressing sexy gives girls a boost you might say, seeing other guys stare at her might be giving her a bit of confidence, even though it's not the right type of confidence, it's still good to know that we are wanted. by someone other then our b/f's and come on girls don't lie we all do it. So try and look at it in a good way, and try not to think about it in a bad way or you'll never be able to happy with her.
Hope that helps
Sweetie
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (14 January 2007):
 Hey Ben, I can understand what you're saying. Personally I wouldn't have used the tone you were using but I guess you're pretty pissed off. Have you talked to her about a possible future? Cos if you haven't then you may have the impression things are more serious in your relationship than they really are. It may indeed be that she's only looking for a short term thing. But since you mention you haven't spoken to her about her dress sense yet, just tell her how it makes you feel. I doubt she'd take your thoughts straight away but it might open her eyes to herself. Just maybe, she'll actually see things from your point of view then. Sit her down somewhere and just bring it up in a non accusatory way. That should open up a point of dialogue and go on from there. Hope you manage to solve something
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): This is Ben i asked the Q....
So shud i leave it and not say n e thing!? I find it so unattractive tho..i mean really dont like it! If i dont tell her, her 'so called mates' are also gonna keep saying things behind her back, dont i at least owe her that!
thanks for the comments tho i'm gonna take a good look at myself n find out if it is actually MY problem.
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reader, kenny +, writes (14 January 2007):
 I think if you bring this up with her it is going to cause an argument, and you could risk losing her, over what, some items of clothing, is it worh it?.
She is young, let her dress how she pleases, its probably just a phase she is going through.
Like Dr Pete says you sound like you should be her Dad. Try being a boyfriend to her.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (14 January 2007):
I was always taught that if a girl was 'dressing up' she should show EITHER cleavage, legs, stomach OR shoulders, not all at once. It is not particularly 'classy'. But hey, I am an old fart in my thirties and time has moved on and so has fashion.
You can't 'tell' her NOT to dress the way she chooses, but you can tell her (politely) that you don't like it. I do think that you may be slightly controlling of her and that is an issue you need to take a good look at. What she does with this information is her business, and to tell you the truth I think you need to figure out why you feel this way. Is it due to you being insecure about other boys looking at her, or is there a deeper issue?
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reader, cd206 +, writes (14 January 2007):
 To be honest mate you can't tell her what to do or what to wear. She's a grown up and doesn't need a third parent. After all I'm sure you'd be super offended if she told you that you dress like a grandad and she wishes you'd dress a bit younger and quite rightly. Your fashion sense is one of the only things in this world that is your own and it'd be wrong for you to try and change her whatever you and her friends think of it.
CD
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): You sound like you should be her dad, not her boyfriend!
I bet she was dressing to show her "tits n arse" when you met her? Seriously, you can't really tell your girlfriend that she dresses like a slut. What would you do if she wrote this question about you on the Internet? Well, you'd probably be pretty angry or hurt wouldn't you?
She's young, she's wearing what a lot of girls her age wear. If you can't deal with it - she's the wrong girl for you.
If you say anything to her remotely in tone of what you have written here you will either really upset her or make her very angry and if she has any respect for herself she is likely to dump you. I reckon you've probably started arguing about this very subject and that is why you've come on here.
Either way, the problem is with you and not with her I'm afraid!
There's my thoughts, take them or leave them :)
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