A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I first meet a guy I'm really confident. But if it goes to the next level, like going on a date, I start to get insecure! I always think that there is someone better out there for him and why is he wasting time with me? The guy I'm going out on a date with soon tells me how beautiful I am and even says I look hot. (I've known of him for a while. He's been asking me to go on a date with him since August) But even so, I think there's someone better out there for him! Or he'll just find someone better. His eyes wander sometimes (at guys and girls!) I think he's one of those "observer" type. How do I stop thinking like this?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (28 December 2009):
 If you are insecure about yourself, then you don't know who you are deep down inside. So as soon as you start seeing a guy, and you become emotionally attached to him, you start thinking you're not good enough.
That kind of thinking leaks out in your communications, your body language, even the things you do around the men you date.
Try focusing on finding yourself as yourself. What is it that motivates you? How do you find happiness on your own? What gives you joy in life? What are the things you don't like about yourself that you can change?
When you iron out who you are inside, and you know your own heart, then you will never feel a lack of confidence.
Now think of the consequences of not knowing who you are inside. First, say the guy you're seeing is really into you. You've stolen his heart. If you start thinking ill of yourself and that there are better women out there for him, then you're selling yourself short. Eventually you're going to hurt that guy and nothing he will ever do will make you feel better about yourself. All the love in the world isn't going to fix things inside if you aren't confident of who you are and what it is you want out of life.
A guy who invests that much energy into you probably does deserve you. Which is what's going to hurt him the most if you retreat like this.
Spend some time on your own discovering yourself. Know your heart well. That's all. Then you can look at a guy and say, "I deserve him" instead of "He deserves someone better".
Whenever a woman told me she didn't deserve me, it made me feel worse, not better. Actually its painful to hear that from someone you love. And its a sign to a guy that he's going to get dumped. Which of course will make him start looking for his backup plan. Something you don't want and something that will reinforce your already existing negative thinking.
This is the best advice to you. Try and build up your own self-confidence. You deserve to find love and happiness in this world and the only person keeping you from that is ... you.
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 Hi, I hope this guy isn't thinking " why is she with me? " etc, otherwise nothings ever going to happen is it?
Reading your post, it comes across to me that you aren't really into this guy.
You are right that there will always be someone better looking and smarter and funnier than you or me. Think about your friends... would you swop them for someone else?
Your family even. Course you wouldn't cos you love them, and they are not perfect are they?
Love and feelings for others are totally unique to the two people involved. If the chemistry is there on all levels it
doesn't matter that the person isn't the best looking or whatever.
If you talk to people who have been in love, in my experience they usually say that they didn't even notice other potential partners.
Theres no point beating yourself about these things hun, cos it's just not relevant, unless the guy is a shallow ass in which case he's not worth worrying about anyway.
He's asked you out, not the hot girl down the street, that says to me he thinks you are hotter.
Enjoy dating him and have fun x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): easy. just stop thinking. if he's been trying to date you since august..(i love that month thats when i met my bf along time ago:) well anyways if he's wanted you since august then this fella really likes you. don't ruin it for him, don't show 'em your insicureity, just take the complement & smile.. like i said just dnt think of all the other fishes in the sea he's wanted you, he's got you ..now just be happy. don't be insecure just love him like he loves you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2009):
You need to look at your life and ask yourself why you're so insecure and why your esteem is low. Have you been hurt before, or bullied? You're a lot better than you think, you just don't know it yet. Take a look at your life and ask yourself why it is you're so insecure.
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