A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i hate my body and feel fat and ugly. I know im overweight and its affecting my relationship in the bedroom because i dont feel confident or sexy yet i cant stay motivated to keep on diets and exercise. I'll go maybe two weeks of eating really healthily and working out at the gym everyday and then i get fed up and end up stuffing my face. what can i do to stay motivated???
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 Part of what you're going through is a form of depression. You have to stay on some kind of a regimen.
The depression is being caused by a poor self-image. Self-image and what you see in the mirror are two different things. You have to start trusting yourself, and feeling confident about who you are inside, and the kind of woman you are and want to become.
Now all of this may sound like babble but its not. When you feel depressed about yourself, then you're spending a great deal of negative energy chastising yourself.
What helps with self-image is trying to improve yourself as a person. And that again takes some discipline.
No one here knows what you do outside of the bedroom or if there are outside pressures that make you go through this roller-coaster ride; but anyone can tell you that if you do things which are constructive, that accomplish things not just for you, but principally for other people -- then you have a chance at improving yourself.
In other words, by focusing on other peoples' needs, and maybe trying to improve life around you; you can improve your own self-image.
That's just one suggestion.
Counseling or therapy is another solution. That is finding out why you have a negative self-image at times. There's obviously some kind of insecurity that's bugging you enough to knock you off your routines and diets.
As far as diet is concerned, its a matter of habit. That is if you get into the habit of cooking a certain way, for instance grilling lean meats, staying away from excessive carbs, fats and starches, and just eating healthier on a regular basis that should help.
That's basically the habitual part. So making new habits regarding diet is not actually dieting. Its just changing your eating habits.
What I fear you're doing is sabotaging yourself. And that is where the depression comes in.
Now as far as feeling sexy and competent and confident in bed with your lover, well that's between the ears. Your brain is the biggest sex organ in your body. Its responsible for a lot signals that go to the right spots, and feel all the sensations that give you pleasure and then gives you the ultimate reward -- orgasms.
That has nothing to do with a few extra pounds or a few missing pounds.
If the person you're with loves you, that should be a big boost right there. After all that is one of the reasons why we have sex. To be closer to people we love.
For all that its worth, it seems these are some minor yet irritating problems. If you can get past them and feel more comfortable with who you are as a woman, then all the other issues are easily controlled.
But please stop punishing yourself! That's the worst part of what I've read in your question. You need to take better care of yourself as a person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): Weight watchers are brilliant for giving you the motivation to carry on, and you will meet people who all have the same aim as you and could team up with some of the group to go to a gym together. Its also good because every week you are weighed and it gives you an incentive to work towards, you don't want to be the person in the meeting who gains weight and that thought keeps you going.
They also have an easy diet plan and you can still treat yourself to nice food. I think that would be the best way to stay motivated.
I also go to the ladies gym Curves-if you have one in your area I would 100% recommend it as it not only helps you lose weight but you can maintain it. You only go three times a week for half an hour as a minimum and it is easy to fit more sessions in a week as it is really nice to work out around more normal people-not just skinny ladies with full make up on a running machine! At Curves they don't weigh you but measure you once a month and you can really see how much your shape changes.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 January 2010):
 I know exactly how you feel but my problem is that I cannot do the exercise as I have osteoarthritis in my spine and it doesn't matter what I do with food, I need to exercise to get the weight off.
One thing I did try and if I could have afforded to continue I would have done (well if back problems were not there to).
Hypnotherapy with a registered and regulated hynotherapist can be the answer I know for a fact that certain pop stars have used this method and it works. It is the sub conscious that is the driving factor in controlling the brain and what we actually put into our mouth.
The other options are perhaps to buy yourself a skimpy bikini or a dress which is one or two sizes to small for you so that you have a goal to reach. Maybe set up a challenge with your bf about a pamper wkend at a spa or something if you can reach a goal for yourself.
The best way though to get yourself motivated and continue to stay that way is for you to do it with a friend, not someone who doesn't need to lose weight but someone who does so that you keep each other going. Having a skinny friend coming with you is not the answer as they can always drop out and that happened to me.
Set days of the week to do something and set yourselves a goal, maybe a holiday or weekend break or say a dress that you buy yourself and then aim to get into it.
Just a thought.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): I didn't diet to lose weight.
Personally, in some way diets and becoming too self conscious can effect one person's self-esteem and you tend to focus too much on your appearance rather than your health and well-being.
What I did to lose weight was instead of going on diets, was to be careful and thought about what I ate and limit myself on "treats"
It has also been shown that eating fresh food and keeping a balanced diet can effect a person's mood and emotions
For exercise, you don't need to spend lots of money on a gym membership - basic things to do around the house can count such as gardening, moving furniture, painting walls etc. Take a walk, good for the legs. Walking up hills can not only strengthen your legs, but can be good for your chest and stomach muscles.
Low self-esteem can also effect personal relationships.
I'm sure your partner loves you no matter what and can make you feel sexy and wanted.
If you're considering changing your diet, check with your doctor.
Good luck :]
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