A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of three years has presented me with the idea that she is unsure about our relationship. We live together and she is everything to me. I told her that the feeling is not mutual. I still love her dearly. She is my first thought in the morning and my last before bed. Lately, she seems withdrawn. She will not look me in the eye some days and others she seems madly in love with me. She says she wants to focus on her future right now and assures me that it is nothing I am doing. She has not left yet but my intuition is telling me she will, soon. When I look at her I am overcome with grief. How do I keep her? What can I do to stop her from leaving? I have no pride, I will do anything ethical to keep her in my life. It feels like everything I am doing is just compounding the problem. Someone please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Hi, I posted this question and I really apprecciate all of the responses. To answer some questions that you have posed, I have absolutlely talked to her about everything. I've been cheated on before, not by this one, and I know what it feels like when someone is up to something. I do not think that is this situation. I asked her what was going on 3 weeks ago. She said she thinks she wants to take a break, just to sort things out. I was devastated but said I would do whatever she needs. I thought that meant that she was going to stay with a friend or her mother for a few weeks, but she said she would rather stay in our apartment. A little weird I will say but none the less I was wiling to do whatever she wanted. Each day it feels like she is drifting further and further away. She says she needs time to think about everything but I am growing impatient. How much time does one need to know if they are with the right person? I dont know. I think all I can do is wait out the storm, But it is so hard to see her drifting away.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Drew from canada, how did that strategy work for you? Thats kinda what im leaning towards for the best way to deal with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): Dude, Feel like I am in totally the same situation. Been with my gf for almost a year and a half now. The first year was the best thing that ever happened to me, we never got in fights and had the time of our lives together every sminute we were in each others company. She meant the world to me and I honestly think I meant even more than that to her. Since the begining of this year we started talking about moving in together since we decided to move to a new city. One night a month or so before we moved we were talking and she basically said that she wasn't sure this was what she wants anymore...I've never been so scared in my life. It occurred to me for the first time that the relationship could come apart despite never fighting and having so much fun together. All it would take was for her to decide she was getting in to deep. It sounded like to me she was all of a sudden afraid of getting to close cuz she knew it would hurt all the more when/if it doesnt work out. Anyway ever since moving in together and that conversation she has been getting in these silent moods that scare the shit out of me. Since living together all has been fine no major fights just a few little things that come from just spending an increased amount of time together...but whenever we do have one of these 'little things' she goes into these silent moods for a day or so and then is back to being the cheerful affectionate girl I love so much. These moods tho literally tear me apart cuz I feel she is deep in thought about her life...i have asked her a couple times if everything is ok and she gets mad with me saying I cant always expect her to be happy and cheerful. So i try and give her some space and she always seems to come round back to how she is normally...full of laughs and cheeky comments.Anyway feels a little crazy dumping all this on you when I've never met you but i guess wanted to talk to someone about it. Anyway man in short the convesation before we moved haunts me everyday mostly cuz I can be the best bf I know how to be and it still might not be enough. I know the girl I fell in love with is a fearcly independent person which I love but I fear it might be the end of us...especially since she never wants to talk about what is on her mind when she goes silent. All I can think of to do is just keep telling her how much I love her try to let her know that I am always gonna be here for her...dunno if that helps
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Have you TALKED to her and asked her whats wrong? What brought about this thought? If there's no communication then how do you expect to keep this relationship alive?
If she has already said why she feels this way, then it might be something else she's not willing to share. Which in that case, I would get suspicious.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 I had something similar happen in a relationship. The best
thing you can do is give her space. Becoming clingy and not leaving her alone is only going to push her away.
Give her space and let her sort things out for herself. If she has said she wants to focus on her future, give her the time and space to do so.
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