A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 6 months and he has now become really possessive of me. When random guys chat me up he'll freak out on me and tells me that I must be doing something to make these guys chat me up and I must be encouraging them in some way, but I'm not.The other day I was waiting for the bus and this cab driver pulled up and said he would give me a free lift to where I was going and was flirting with me. I obviously turned him down. I wasn't going to tell my bf about this incident but my friend who was with me went back and told my bf, and again he says I must be enjoying all the attention. But the only attention I want is from him, not other people because I really love him and don't want to make him feel bad. My bf acts tough and as like he's confident in front of everyone but when we're alone he seems more vulnerable, I don't know whether he is just feeling insecure and what I should do, because now I'm always thinking that I must be treating him bad and that I must be bad for him to feel vulnerable around me.
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 May 2007):
 I have to agree with Stina on this one, I think your bf is well and truly over-reacting after such a short period of time of being together.
It seems to me that something has happened with perhaps a previous relationship whereby he now feels he can't trust you and so I think you need to find out where these feelings of over protectiveness come from.
I used to feel exactly as he did but it was a long time into my relationship with my ex at the time and it was certainly due to the fact that he could not always be trusted that finally broke us up.
I am not saying you are that kind of person in any way but I feel that someone he has been close to before has hurt him badly and that is stopping him from trusting again.
Your friend is no kind of friend if she thinks it is clever to wind up your bf by bringing up the cab driver incident, doesn't she realise how possessive he is and how much grief you will get if she stirs it. Does she feed him with other thoughts as well because she wants him for herself, I would watch this.
By only talking to him and reassuring him that you are not going to run off with anyone is the only way that things will get resolved. He does need a bit of a shock though as you should say to him that unless he calms down you feel as though you are being suffocated by all of this and you don't deserve the reprimands he constantly throws at you. You are not like any other gf he has had before and unless he starts to change his ways he is going to push you further and further away from him.
Sensitively I think you should discuss counselling as you can try and reassure him that this is not a 5 minute relationship to you and you do want it to work and so you are prepared to work with him with a counsellor to help overcome any problems now or in the future and he will then realise you are serious about him.
I wish you all the best luck in the world.
One thing though, none of this is your fault and if you are an attractive young girl there is no reason why other men will not try and chat you up. You are with your bf and no matter what the others say to you it is him you want to be with and him you go to each day.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
You aren't doing anything wrong and you shouldn't feel bad. Your boyfriend has issues with being insecure. He needs to work this out for himself. Don't let him make you think otherwise, okay?
I think the best thing to do would be to have a long talk with him about why he feels the way he does. Try to be understanding, but at the same time make it clear that you aren't going to tolerate him making you feel bad and turning things around like it's your fault. The last thing you want is a guy who drains you of your self esteem and knocks you down because *he* isn't comfortable. You may want to bring up counseling with him and see if he would like to go. He seems very sensitive, so you be the judge of whether or not to tell him. Don't say anything if you think he would freak out on you, though. (Obiously!)
If it gets to be too much, there is no reason that you should stick around this guy. If he keeps acting this way, you're going to keep second guessing yourself and keep feeling guilty. Being with someone is supposed to be fun - especially only after six months - it is NOT supposed to fill you with negative feelings and have you questioning yourself.
Take care.
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