A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I always overthink things when considering people to ask out, and so it usually mires and gets stuck with me never doing anything about it. Oh, and if it doesn't show up due to anonymous, I'm 17 years old.Anyways, there's a girl I was immediatley attracted to when I saw her last year, but nothing really happened largely due to grade distance (she was a freshman, I was a junior) and thus no classes together. I did find out she was taking the same language I was - Japanese - and also band, which I'm also a prominent member of the older group. But this year Japanese and the upper band were (in)conveniently scheduled at the same, so instead of having two classes together and eventually having an easier way to initiate a conversation (note: I haven't been waiting or anything all this time, I've had other interests that have come and gone), we both apparently chose the opposite way to go - she dropped band, and I had to do an independent study for Japanese. Since that didn't happen work out, I really had forgotten about her, until recently.I started spending my free period in the library recently, and she does as well. The other day my friend and I were talking, and getting boisterously loud with our jokes (like always) and she was sitting at a table next to us, and started laughing at my jokes not too long before we left. I guess the important thing to note about that is I'm sure it was what I was saying that she found funny - she's from Taiwan and my friend and are both learning Chinese, but he started much later in the year than I did and so he would ask a simple quesiton and I'd give a ridiculous broken answer in chinese and she'd laugh.ANYWAYS, since I've probably given enough reading material for you, I guess here's my question: bHow do I stop letting my neurotic criticisms of everyone I've ever been interested prevent me from even approaching her?/b Because, if I'm reading things right, she at least has noticed me once, and I've got enough common interests to be able to start a conversation. The only thing preventing me from this point is my self doubt that's ridiculous, and does anyone have any advice for getting over that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPerhaps I should've elaborated more on what I mean by neurotic criticism - like, say, one girl I was interested in lives over a half hour away from me, and I wondered if with my semi-busy schedule and already long drives that way if it could work out, and then the other generic nervous questions (am I her type? what if this ruins our friendship? etc) lead me to believe "oh it's probably best not to ask her out" and so I didn't.Thanks for the advice, and I will follow it the next chance I get.
A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 The quickest way to approaching her is by approaching her. Just take the plunge NOW or TODAY, bypass all your theorizing about the situation and talk to her. Everybody has self-doubt, it's just HOW you are going to handle it that makes the difference. Admit that you might not be her type, or admit that you have knobby knees and inverted nipples but decide that you're going to go ahead and talk to her anyway - NOW.
As to how to get over your neurotic criticisms of ppl?
Take her as she comes, she might not be your type after all, but don't take it personally and don't hold it against her. At the same time, she COULD very well be your type, so don't freak out and let your mind criticize her neurotically. Maybe you overanalyse people because you just don't want to be disappointed when they don't measure up to your standards or because you don't want to be close to people.
In order not to be disappointed with her when you finally do get to talk to her is remember that she's a human being. Since you've admired her from afar, it's easy to create this fantasy-girl wearing her face - which might lead to disappointment when you find out that she snorts when she laughs or chews her toenails off with her teeth.
I have a friend like you too, he is a perfectionist with his work, life and with the people around him. He's rigid with how everything has to fit in his life and everybody in contact has to follow through as well. And yet he can do crazy things like get himself TOSSED out of McDonald's - not by a pimply teenager either, by a big burly bouncer (it's a rough neighbourhood) - and lie in the snowbank screaming "Damn you Capitalist pigs!!".
He's tense and INTENSE, which I admired, but it turned out to be very tiring after awhile.
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A
female
reader, mum2be  +, writes (12 March 2007):
If anyone is saying something to you that causes you to doubt yourself, stick your fingers in your ears and yell la la la lala la la la la la la until they get the idea and shut up. No one has the right to make you feel low. Think of all her good points, and when you speak to her, bring these out. If she was laughing at your jokes, then maye asking her opinion of a joke would be a fab idea. All the bestxxx
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