A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship and the sex is extremely satisfying and frequent for both of us. I definitely have a higher libido than he does, but I can really easily coax a higher libido from him when I want it. We talk really openly about masturbation and tell each other when we do it. We both only masturbate when the other isn't around for sex since we're both pretty much always up for it. It seems I do it a LOT more than he does. He says he just doesn't enjoy it much anymore now that he knows what actually good sex feels like and it's just a physical release for him, a way to relax and that he never does it when he'll be able to see me, like say a weeklong trip. And that he only does it once or twice a week, and doesn't use porn. Fine right? For some reason, even though I know masturbation is healthy even in a really healthy functioning relationship, even though I do it a LOT, the thought of him masturbating bugs the heck out of me. It makes me feel sick, the same way I feel when I think of him with another woman. I feel almost like he's cheating on me with his hand. I know all men masturbate, and I know it's ridiculous, but I have this crazed totally wrong notion seeded in my head that he should be getting all his sexual pleasure from me, and when he gets it without me, it makes me feel bad for no reason. It's totally crazy I know, but how do I stop feeling so bad about him masturbating? Not a question of how do I talk to him, or how do I make him stop, I don't want him to stop. That would be like asking someone to stop farting while awake or something. Possible, but totally ridiculous. How do I stop being stupid and crazy over this?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (24 July 2009):
 The response by "Rogerramjet" is excellent, and you express plenty of logic as well. I'll add that, by your own admission to frequent masturbation, you would be a hypocrite to expect his behavior to be different than your own. In other words, with a slight twist, what is good for the gander is good for the goose. lol
It might be better if you both stop talking about it, because as you wrote, "masturbation is healthy" and it's simply a private release for the moment. In my opinion, it is typically more prevalent in youthful years and diminishes slightly with age - but may not stop until near life's end. Accept it.
A
male
reader, Rogerramjet +, writes (23 July 2009):
Maybe one way you can look at it is:
If he's not using porn to masturbate, then that means he's got some lovely pictures in his head.. And those pictures are most likely YOU.
If you are having incredible sex, then TRUST me.. When he masturbates, he's picturing what it feels like to be with you.
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