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female
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*oquit21
writes: I'm too jealous! I was burned a few years ago when my boyfreind of 3 years cheated on me with my best friend (and as it turns out, countless others). Now I have the best guy in the world and just refuse to accept it. He has never given me reason to distrust him and he is nothing but great to me. However, I choose to pick fights all the time due to jealousy. I know he has female friends and dont have a problem with it....but I am suspicious of absolutely every female he talks to. I know it is MY problem, but after another argument this weekend, we havent talked for a week and I fear that he is coming to the end of his rope in dealing with this issue. Our relationship is fine otherwise. How can I get over my past pain and give this guy a real chance? Please help as I love him a lot and really want to make this work!
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male
reader, skywalker +, writes (4 November 2006):
hi..i am doing feeling same as you and its true that jealousy comes from low self-esteem.I suspect my gf og flirting a lot with other guys,some to which she admits.I have broken up with her bcoz i dont approve of keeping in touch with my ex's and she does approve of it..so build ur self esteem and go ahead..i am a lill fat and am trying to slim down and at the same time trying to learn piano as my ex-gf is a singer...just show to the world what you're made of..
A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (4 November 2006):
 I agree with the first answer. You've had a knock and it is hard to trust again I know. You must though try to ignore those nagging negative paranoid thoughts, because if you don't, you are and you will push your current b/f away. I wouldn't say you need "counselling", I mean I've been cheated on before and my god it is one of the most horrible heart wrenching feelings ever, but you can get over it, pick yourself up, reassure yourself and tell yourself you are a worthwhile, lovely, great person and he should be damn lucky to be with you. Instead of focusing all your energy on a relationship, try to have other stuff going on in your life so you don't have so much time to dwell on what your boyfriend is doing. Plus a weird but true fact is that often if you accuse people of behaviour which they are not actually "doing" it invites the very same "accused" behaviour. Bit like "well if Im being accused of it, I may as well be doing it" Being innocently accused creates very strong emotions from the innocent !
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 Jealousy comes from low self-esteem. What is it that makes you feel insecure about yourself? If you can't figure it out then you may need some professional counseling to get to the crux of the matter. It doesn't matter who your boyfriend is, if you were dating the Pope you'd still be jealous. Once your self-esteem is built up you won't have those bad feelings again. Do some soul searching and/or seek counseling life is too short to suffer needlessly. Good luck.
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