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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi I have been going out with a lovely guy for a year now and in many ways he is my idal man and we love each other very much . The problem is that six months ago he came to me one day all upset and said he was thinking all sorts of strange things he was even wondering was i ugly, This really upset me and on a couple of occasions i saw him look at me as though he was examining me and wondering was he attracted to me and when i asked him was he he said yes. my heart was bkoke as i was madly in love but he says he is too. Around the same time he was attacked walking home and over worked and says that this had his head all over the place and he was not thinking straight. This have severely damaged my confidence.. I am an attractive girl and many people tell me i am beautiful even though i dont think it i know that i am seen to be very good looking we are still together and he says i am the love of his life but i do not know what to believe as i cant get past the fact that he said those things to me. Another factor that he claims influenced this happening is that he started looking for flaws in me as this is what he does to himself as he had exema growing up and this made him very self conscious. Really upset about the whole thing as when i met him i thought he was the man i would marry somw day. I am twenty six and previously had a seven year relationship but he has never been with anyone more than a few months. I would really appreciate any advice you can offer me. Thanks for your time . x x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2006): Regardless of what you believe him to be, he's a sick puppy who likely hasn't any idea of his own flaws. Oh, it may come to him in thirty-forty years or so, but it will be too late to do you any good. Short of having some goon bash in his face so even a surgeon couldn't fix it, he'll just be a conceited ass.
A
female
reader, ***la belle vida***  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 Get rid of this loser! he is damaging your self esteem and self concept. Another few years with this guy you could be a cowering wreck scared people will think you are ugly. IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. Just because he had excema growing up gives him no excuse to belittle you in this way. Tell him it stops or he goes simple as that.
take care hunni xxxxxxxxx
p.s i'm sure you're BEAUTIFUL :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2006): dump him, if a guys only interested in the physical who wants HIM????? Not all men are like this. the poster below is wrong...only shallow pathetic men are like you describe...you deserve better.....men are no more visual than women they have just been taught its socially acceptable to objectify and judge/rate womens looks, whereas women (most) are brought up to have higher morals....
Make him life up to your morals of judging people based on their behaviour and personbality rather than looks and if he's not man enough to do it get rid of him and find a real man.
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A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (3 November 2006):
This is quite normal. God made Men to be visual. We tend to want to have a perfect looking woman. We have to learn to grow over such feelings and only time can fix that. When we are young, all we look for in a woman is looks. As we mature, we begin to look at women beyond their physical appearance. The transition though is one that comes with time and usually only long term relationships can help us get over that curve. You mentioned that he hasn't been in a long term relationship and that you are his first. Just be patient, he will come around. Over time, he will learn to love you just the way you are. However, only time can teach him how. In the meantime you just keep being yourself and it will all be OK!
Happylife
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