A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hope I don't get judged too harshly for this question because it's extremely shallow and I have been through a lot worse before. But I'm struggling with extreme jealousy that I can't stop feeling.I currently work in a weird kind of job where I'm by myself in a building all night. It's mind numbing and the only thing I can do to pass the time is surf the net. I've developed a bad habit of stalking people, my boyfriend's ex being the main person, and no matter how hard I try I can't stop. My boyfriend messed up big time a few years ago and took her for a drink and stayed at hers a few times after we had argued. It took a while but I forgave him and started to forget but with this new stalking habit looking at her photos on social media is making me miserable.I never used to think she was attractive, I always thought I was a bit prettier, I have a better figure than her, from the things she says on Facebook she comes across really mean. But now the more I look at her photos the more I think she looks like Marilyn Monroe. How on earth I went from thinking she was unattractive to looking like one of the most beautiful women that ever lived I'll never know!I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, he messed up but it was such a long time ago and he is a great boyfriend...now. I have tried to stop stalking but I find it hard, it's like a compulsion that isn't helped by how boring my job is.Has anybody else behaved like this? How did you stop? What can I do!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2016):
 Best thing to do is block her so that you cannot look her up and bring a good book to work. Concentrate on something else. You have just got in to a bad habit, and yes it will eat away at your own confidence and make you feel miserable. Get off the internet when you are at work and do something else to distract yourself. If you get bored at this job then maybe working somewhere else might be a better idea.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 November 2016):
 OP there is something very endearingly honest about your post that makes me want to give you a big hug! I can completely understand what you're going through. You're stuck in a rut, you're in a boring job where you need to kill time and you've gotten stuck in a loop where you stalk the ex and now you've built her up in your head in such a way that it's difficult to get rid of her.
OP I was once in a dead end, absolutely shitty relationship myself which thankfully didn't last long. The guy was awful and he made the huge mistake of telling me about his ex, this girl who studied in the same department as both of us. That was it. From being someone I would never even glance a second time at, I too like you, started thinking that she suddenly pretty, attractive and very very intimidating! I laugh to think how stupid I was! I was completely consumed by thoughts of them together and that she was better than me when really, she was just terrible as can be! Pll
You see OP, the mind is a very powerful weapon and knows how to play games. Really well. If you don't use your mind in the right way then you've had it. I learnt this from my mistakes.
First things first, either delete your Facebook account or block this woman immediately. Do something constructive with your time. Volunteer here on Dear Cupid, read books online, apply for better jobs, just do anything that'll keep you engaged.
Now for the most important question. Are you really happy with the boyfriend? I know I wasn't with mine and that was where the whole problem started from, for me. Ask yourself what could be better about your life and relationship
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 November 2016):
 I think the main problem you have is with your job. Start looking for a new, more fulfilling occupation. I know that any job is better than no job but if you spend your time surfing for a better way to sell your time then you won't be obsessing over something you can do nothing about. Am I right?
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