A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this guy who studies in another university in the same country. I met him on a casual occation when i went to visit my friend in that city. We did not talk a lot. I do not even have his phone number. He never showed any flirty moves on me and neither did i. We have been friends on for sometime, say about a year now. Have met only twice in person. I kind of have developed feelings for him. But I am very very nervous to ask him directly, fear not only rejection but any awkward situations as we have several mutual friends. This is kind of distracting me in my studies. I dont know what to do. I want to get it out of my way. I am usually a straight forward person but in this case, due to several terrible experiences, i totally lack self confidence.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2016):
 You have only met this guy twice so you barely know him. Do you interact much online? The thing is you seem to have built him up in your head and you have developed feelings. Therefore it is okay to maybe ask him out. But you need to look at it logically. Would it be long distance? Would it work?
If he is not to far away from you then simply ask him would he like to hang out some time. Then take it from there. Spend more time getting to know him before you tell him you have feelings for him.
A
female
reader, Mistercatbean  +, writes (2 November 2016):
 I had a similar experience during university. I was so distracted from my studies because I was completely consumed with the THOUGHT of this guy. I emphasize thought because yes, we would talk on a weekly basis because we had a lab together, but I really didn't know lots and lots about him. I wouldn't be able to draw a big picture about who he is as a person and what that means to me. I then turned to astrology to know more about him since I didn't know that much about him. I became completely obsessed because our signs were compatible and I would just research the prospects of our pairing using astrology for literally hours instead of focusing on my studies as much as I should. The moral of the story is that I fell in love with the idea of us being together rather than with him. What I've learned is you really need to know someone and be close to them (emotionally not physically or geographically) before you can say "I truly have fell in love with this person". You need to let the process of being close happen. That is why I would not recommend confessing your feelings so that you can find somewhere to direct your thoughts instead of having them distract you from your studies. Because i believe that these feelings may not be for this guy but maybe for the thought or idea of this guy. What I did was I really immersed myself in my friendships and really started saying yes to hanging out and meeting new friends (mind you I have an obsessive personality so distracting myself from something is very difficult, also I am extremely socially anxious). You just need to get yourself in a busy rhythm of friends and school. Try studying in a public area and say yes to hanging out with your friends. I'm not saying give up on him, but rather let the opportunity and time to really know who he is as a person grow. And he also need to know more about who you are. Don't confront him with feelings just yet but try to strike up some conservations and see where those goes. Also try to have , as best as you can, an unbiased view about your conversations with him. Sometimes having or thinking you have feelings for someone can really influence how you see who they are. Good luck with your studies and really know that it is important to take sometime for yourself and really direct your time and efforts to things that are the most important and can help your happiness now and in the future.
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