A
female
age
36-40,
*atiehenderson
writes:My boyfriend's ex - crush is a girl in his gang of closest friends. She recently threw a hint at him that she is now interested in him, again. He later told me that though he wished he had heard this hint from her when he had liked her, he now doesn't want to do anything about her as he has chosen to be with me. But since they have the same friends, they always hang out and will always hang out together,this has left me feeling very insecure. What if my boyfriend makes good use of this opportunity and goes for her or cheats on me when they are out together? It troubles me more because he said "I wish I had heard this few years back." How do I stop being insecure about this as it's really bothering me?
View related questions:
crush, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I can understand why you feel insecure. You have good reason too, especially given his comment about what he wished. He may have chosen to be with you but he's indicating, and im sorry to say this, that had things been different he may well have made a different choice. That would make anybody feel highly insecure and totally legitimately so.
Having said all that we can't live our lives by ifs, buts and maybes and we are where we are and therefore I think you have two choices. Choice one is to accept what he says at face value because I presume there is no evidence to the contrary, that anything is/will happen other than your suspicion and although as I said there are concrete grounds for that, thats not enough for a conviction. In fact, I feel if you let your fear take over you then it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, you can bury it, and the way you do this is by positive reinforcement, telling yourself that he has chosen to be with you, whatever he may have wanted, that is what he now wants and you have no reason to worry. You need to tell him how your feeling and when your feeling insecure and hopefully he will help with reassurance. He should in any case. Giving him the benefit of the doubt there is nothing, as I said, to say he will cheat other than your fear he will and what he said, none of which means he will necessarily.
The other choice, if you feel you cant or actually cant do the above is you have to think long and hard about the relationship - since stopping them being friends would I feel be wrong, you may feel the need to walk away. However, that is an extreme measure. My feeling is that you should at least try the first option for your own piece of mind. If it doesnt work and things dont work then you may have to think seriously about the second.
Good luck!
|
