A
male
age
41-50,
*lstermanisalive
writes:Please my girlfriend of 8 years last week told me she hasn't got the same feelings anymore. I always thought we were great together as does others Iam devastated sick everything you could think of we are both from different countries so I've returned home to northern Ireland to gather my head and to be with family we both are buying a house together and have different finances together she wants me to take the house and all those things Iam stunned its all so quick and final. She moved back to her mums last wk and took all her belongings we don't argue fight have great hols and social life we don't live in each other pockets also she has promised everyone me and her family that no other bloke is involved please help Wat do I do nxt as she is just going on llife as normal and Iam a heart broken son of a bit*h
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Yep, sorry to say, but it sounds like she has finally done what she wanted to do, and now feels good for having done so. : (
And you are left as you are, in shock, not knowing what happened. I am so sorry. Unfortunately it seems like that just happens some times.
I think you do have to pick up the pieces and move on, and have faith that next time you will find someone better for you. You have got things to look forward to: you will own a house, etc, and that is really good, and solid (and houses always welcome you home ...). You have to focus on building things right now, and building your strength. And maybe do something like go cycling/swimming/to the gym every day - that always works a treat for making people feel better. You will also meet other people there. Do it.
Be strong. This is just a moment - it will pass and you will be OK. Honestly.
A
male
reader, Ulstermanisalive +, writes (16 April 2011):
Ulstermanisalive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight ok guys it's been 11 days since split and I've been back to northern Ireland now for 5 days as we both live in England together buying our home. Well spoke to her mum yesterday and her mum didn't give much hope basically she is fine running around planing things weekends away with her mates and also there was a family holiday in 3 weeks which she is still going on with her mum dad and sister. I think Iam healing slowly but it's all the money things now like house and bills to sort out. I mean I would love her back but the vibes Ian getting arent good ok she's maybe been thinking abut split for while but how can she just go on doing normal stuff Iam upside down but iam going home Monday to get back to reality thanks guys and help will be great
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (14 April 2011):
 You have every right to know why she split with you., Call her and ask her in a calm way exactly what changed after 8 years. Email her if it is easier for you for your own peace of mind. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): This might sound very harsh but I think there is someone else. It looks like she was with hoping things would get better but someone else has come along. She probably didnt want to hurt you but she had to tell you in the end.If she wanted to stay with you she would have sat you down and talked to you and told you what was wrong so that you both could work it out.I think in the next few weeks you will hear she is with someone else so be prepared to hear this news. You do deserve an explanation from her but if she wont talk to you theres not a lot you can do but move on and find someone else. Beleive me its hard but that broken heart does mend. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I'm sorry to hear it. I hope she does realise she misses you and wants you back. But if she has fallen out of love with you she probably just wants you as a friend. It isn't fair on you to dwell on the possibility of her coming back to you. I think you should try to get back on track. I know it'll be hard as 8 years is a really long time.Hope this helps x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): I personally feel there is more than meets the eye here and your ex is not telling you the whole story. Sure she has probably has been feeling this way for a while now and has been trying to tell herself things would get better. But I can bet you more often than not, she is either seeing someone or had seen someone in the past and that relationship just opened her eyes to how much the relationship is not working for her. I ahd the same problem with my girl of 6 years who just decided she wants out. she told me it was nothing and she just needed time alone and would not be coming back. Like she just changed suddenly. I was devastated. she told everyone around her it was not because she found someone else. But in the end after so much probing and not letting her alone, she did confess that she was pregnant for someone else and did not feel I deserved her and wants to let me go. There is something she is not telling. (In her mind it might be to protect you from the feeling of betrayal or to protect her self too.) My advise is just move on, somehow, it will not be easy... I wish I could tell you it would, but right now I much better and am glad the relationship ended. A broken relationship is always better than a broken marriage use that for closure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): One thing good is she old u before marriage that avoids involvement of family and kids. I think u should have known it because there must be signs of her commitment declining. This is not something happened the day she told you. She must have thought about it long time ago but doesn't have the courage to tell you. This things sometimes happen. Anyhow you have to convince yourself to move on what ever her reason is.Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): This is really sad. 8 years is a long time to be with someone. It sounds like you have drifted apart and she has found the courage to tell you before you moved into together.I fell out of love with my boyfriend I started to see him more as a friend than a boyfriend. It was very hard to tell him and let him go. I was hurt and missed him just as much as if he had ended it, beleive me it wasnt easy. I knew I had to let him go as it wasnt fair on him being with someone who didnt love him even though I still cared and respected him.She should talk to you and give you an explanation on why things have gone wrong you deserve that after 8 years. I do hope for your sake she doesnt have anyone else and she most likely hasnt. Just keep yourself busy and you will move on in your own time and no one would expect you to move on quickly after 8 years together.
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A
male
reader, Ulstermanisalive +, writes (14 April 2011):
Ulstermanisalive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes we speak frequently but not since the break what's the chances of her realising she loves me
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (14 April 2011):
I am so sorry. This is really hard for you, but you have to believe you will get through it, because you will.
I know this kind of thing happens, because actually twice a very close relative of mine has fallen out with her partner/husband and done the same thing - totally out of the blue to everyone, just told him it isn't working, and moved out almost the same day, no going back. So it does happen.
I think maybe how it works is that she (the sort of woman who does this) compromises for a long time, doesn't speak up about things that don't feel right, doesn't make a fuss at all, but, unfortunately, because maybe she doesn't speak up, slowly falls out of love. She then reaches a point where her honesty makes her confess all and leave. She also is probably afraid of the commitment of marriage/kids - interestingly, the two times my v close relative did this to her partner (different partner each time) was exactly when they were about to buy a house together. I think that they see this as crunch time: now we are making a huge commitment together: this is the time to speak up and say I don't know that I feel how I should about you. It seems weird, but it has a kind of logic. The house buying has brought everything to a head for her, and made her feel she can't go into it with her feelings not as strong as she thinks they should be.
So what am I saying? One thing that might comfort you - you are not alone - this is a kind of syndrome, I think. You couldn't have done anything, as she has always seemed perfectly happy with you. But unfortunately, you equally probably can't do anything now to get her back, as she has made her mind up. She might change it after time, but probably not - better to think not and try somehow to start getting over this. I am really sorry, as I know it is a terrible shock and really very very difficult. Perhaps there is something on the internet about it, because really, I think your story is almost identical to what I have seen happen twice, so for sure others have been through it, as well.
You can't blame yourself. You can't totally blame her. It is just hard, but it will get better and you will find a different person who doesn't do that kind of thing. Eg, I could never do that to anyone. That doesn't make me better - in some ways it makes me weaker - but at the same time I do tend to speak up if I'm not happy in a relationship. You need someone who does that. Sorry : (
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (14 April 2011):
It sounds as if you she has just simply drifted away. SHe may have felt this way for sometime, and now has found te courage to break it off. BUT, as far as I'm concered - she owes you an explanation after all that time togther.x
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (14 April 2011):
Hey.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know that it's hard.
First off, if there is no other guy involved then she probably simply fell out of love with you. It happens. She is probably feeling really bad about it too. Do you guys still talk? Friendly? I think it's best if you move on with your life now 'cause it's obvious she is.
I hope this helps x
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