A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 36 yr old female. I ended a 10 year marriage that was abusive 3 years ago. My husband used to rage at me for everything, he withheld sex, he was addicted to drugs, he was addicted to porn and would push me away if I ever tried to initiate sex. We have one child together. We both worked hard, and in front of other people he treated me like a princess. He would be tactile, and loving. When we did have sex, it was wonderful. But rare. The final straw was when my life was threatened. Since it ended, I discovered he was having sex with a female co-worker, and is with her still. From the day he left, he rubbed my face in it by saying how much he liked having sex with her. I also discovered he was meeting with men having sex. It appears he was having sex with anyone but me.Fast forward to today. I am still on my own. I still work hard, but spend my non-work time with my wonderful children, going to the gym and am doing really well at work. I have a super social life, that I never had before, and am popular. This was a big hurdle in itself as my husband would always say that I was boring, and an embarrassment, and socially awkward. I wasnt before him, and dont appear to be now. However, I do still shy away from big nights out etc.Trouble is, I miss intimacy, and this is the problem.I am happy and fun when I am at work, with friends, an have been asked out a few times by some really nice men. But I am afraid that I simply dont trust my judgement any more. I am afraid that they will become disappointed in me, that I will be 'used' again, and that I dont have anything to offer that way.There is a super chap at work who I really like, and on a works night out, I told him that I really did like him. He said the same to me. But since then, at work, I avoid him and when I do have to speak with him, I cant look at him. If I do end up having a 'sober' conversation with him, I know I will back track. I am just so scared, I tend to think I will be like this forever, because I simply cant get it in to my head that I wont be let down.I dont want to tell him why I am so afraid. I read everywhere men like confidence. I have confidence in every aspect of my life now, except with men. That is thanks to doing a 'pattern changing course' re the abuse, and therapy for self-worth issues. I never had these 'issues' before I met my now ex-husband. What is wrong with me, and how do I step over that barrier with this chap at work, as it is so pathetic, I simply have forgotten how to get a boyfriend!
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addicted to porn, at work, co-worker, confidence, drugs, porn, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, its ok  +, writes (1 February 2011):
talk to him,even if you have to have a couple of drinks first,then when you start dating,be honest about being scared to trust him and tell him why-you don't have to go into details if you don't want to-just tell him youve been hurt badly in the past
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