A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:How do I steer clear of lust and find love? Every relationship I have had has never felt real- mostly becuase I would find my self head over heels for someone and he guy would pretend all along that he "cared" and then I would figure it out and It woudl feel wrong.. I find it so strange because I am fairly intelligent... im the opposite of a "floozy".. im picky about my guys and for somereason- I cant seem to detect who will really care back and who wont... I just for somereason dont have radar to see if they really care or not... how do I get over this? How do I find someone who will love me back? I can easily love a number of people.. but no one seems to return the respect... I really am not misleading- Im frank and communicative and I know what Im feeling and need. But nothing seems to work... any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, appygal81 +, writes (2 February 2007):
 When you "lust" for someone, what exactly are you looking for? I find lust to be someone who likes another for their looks. I dated one of those lustful guys. He cheated. My theory on dating for lust, is that it doesnt get you anything but heartache. A guy that knows he is hot, can easily cheat, and i find that the hotter they are the more they seem to cheat (from personal experience). So looks is not a very high criteria on my list. (it falls into place at about number 4 or lower) I look for better qualities that would want me to stay in a relationship. Intelligence being number one(nothing better than an intelligent conversation), followed by humor( i love a good laugh), and the way i am treated by him.(does he treat me like another human or just an object? his own personal playground?) With you being open and honest, a "good" guy, one who has a few ideals would see that and absolutely love it. I have been dating my man for almost 6 months now and i think it is heading in a very good direction. I met him on match.com and couldnt have made a better decision in my life than joining that website. i hope what i said makes a little sense and helps you out. Just be yourself and keep looking. the right one is out there and you are bound to find him or him find you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): Hi,
You don't say how old you are and some of your experiences may be part of learning who's right for you. In our teens we all make mistakes, but don't beat yourself up about it.
However, it sounds to me as though you are desperate to be loved and this is clouding your judgement. Sometimes we don't listen to our intuitive feelings. Usually when we meet people we pick up signals which tell us they are honest/dishonest, trustworthy/untrustworthy. Perhaps you're too busy worrying about yourself and how you're appearing to them because you so badly want to make a good impression. Then you may be missing out on those signals.
Start to concentrate on valuing yourself more and realising that you are wonderful and capable of being alone. Be yourself and lead your own life. When you meet men don't think of them as love objects, but as people. Try to be friends first so that you give yourself time to get to know them and make a decision before you throw yourself headlong into a relationship. Eventually you will fall in love and it will be the real thing, but it will happen when you least expect it.
Hope that helps!
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