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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Would you leave this guy alone with your child even if he is the father? My lawyer is telling me in 3 months it will be ordered by a judge that he can get unsupervised visits. She is only 6 months old now.He:Asked me to have an abortion (near end of 1st trimester) during a lunch break at a restaurant in my office building.Smoked pot daily during 6 weeks I lived with him. Joked often about selling the baby for heroin.If an issue would arise about anything he would say “You should have thought about that before you got knocked up”. Asked me if baby would be born Chinese or Black – daily. I'm white.Referred to baby as a parasite when he was congratulated about pregnancy by his best friend during our first night entertaining as a couple.Unusual difference in behaviour when in my company alone vs. in my company in the presence of his family members or other people in general. Asked me to lie to his parents about the length of our relationship. Waited until I was 6 months pregnant to tell them we were having a baby. Told me he had not been very close to his parents for some time. Spoke of his mother never being there for him growing up and being raised by housekeepers. Spoke of a falling out with his father and a recent 6 month gap in communication with him. Refused to attend counseling to work on any of our problems, whether together or apart. Was cruel to my pets – told me they had to go - made me keep them locked in a room while I was waiting for an adoption to happen and asked me to euthanise them when adoption didn’t happen fast enough. Yelled at the cats and threatened to throw them into the street, proclaiming himself the alpha male in the house.When I tried to stop and reason with him when he was going to throw them into the street, put his hands around my neck, pushed me hard against a wall, when I tried to push him away, held my hands, with unnecessary force. (6.5 months pregnant).Same morning (after he took his hands off me) told me to leave his house and wouldn’t help me gather my things, clothes, boxes, computer, etc., then told me from his chair while I packed that I wasn’t moving fast enough for him. (6.5 months pregnant).Didn’t call for 3 months to see if I and baby were ok and when he finally did it was not until a week after baby was supposed to have been born and was because his Grandmother asked him to (sister told me). I relocated, he asked if he could come see the baby. I foolishly agreed. All trips were paid for by family members or points.Let baby lie in a pile of vomit rather than get up from his nap to clean her up.Slammed on breaks unnecessarily (people were 20 feet away) while baby was in car on two separate occasions. The second time the breaks were jamming for a week.During an outing with baby in stroller, was driving over rocky terrain when I suggested we turn back, he said it was alright and when I looked down the baby was half hanging out of the stroller. He said she is ok, pushed her back inside and kept going.Said this situation (having the baby) is a nightmare and he was just trying to deal with it and that just because I had “squeezed out a kitten” shouldn’t mean his life was ruined.On a 3 hour visit with baby, after not seeing her for 3 weeks, slept for 2.5 hours. Said I was impulsive to have this child. Said his mother told him not to move in with me because I have an outstanding student loan. Said he couldn’t afford to keep flying back and forth once the points ran out. Told me not to leave Halifax as it was a perfect environment for the baby to live in. I returned, he didn’t ask to see the baby for 10 weeks, although it was offered to him and his family. Wouldn’t respond to e-mail or phone calls. Threatened me with lengthy court battle to fight child support payment, rather than having any a willingness to provide for her. Left me no choice but to have to go to court to get support. Suddenly wants to change her name although on 2 separate occasions he was given opportunity for input.Wants to be put on birth certificate but on 2 separate occasions was asked to attend signing and didn’t.Refuses to communicate whatsoever with me (child’s mother) yet is requesting joint custody.His Grandmothers funeral was held at a United Church which he and his entire family did attend but didn’t attend his child's ba[tism (neither did any of his family) as it was not his faith or tradition.His sister said he wasn’t good with her child. His cousin said she had hoped for a child in his life for a long time to help soften him and make him a better person.The one time his mother left and he was supervising baby alone, (Christmas Day) she pooped out a quarter sized wrapping paper the following day.Showed up late on 2 separate occasions for a 1.5 hour visit. One time 10 minutes late on a Wednesday, another time 20 minutes late on a Sunday.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 i am sorry about everything you are going thru, i will fight him with everything i got if i were in the same situation as you because only a mother can understand. i am glad your child has a good mother like you unfortunately i cant say the same about the father.
i agree with the first writer if your lawyer is accepting defeit in a matter like this fire him or her and get another one, if u can try to get one with a child it is to relate, than somebody who doesnt understand the pain you are going thru. if the judge does grants it then appeal with the new lawyer a man like this is not to be trusted around your child with or without supervision. he need to learn to be human first before he can take care of another being especially one as fragile as a child.
A
female
reader, xxprincessxx  +, writes (5 February 2007):
wot a little twat. i have stopped my partner seeing my daughter as he was violent towards her. He is going through Court to get access. If he does i will move to another Country no way am i letting a person like that touch my baby. wot do the Courts know???? they dont see whats going on. I feel so sorry for you. i wouldnt dare let him near your child what a complete and utter waste of space. good luck in whatever you do xx
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 How does your lawyer know how the judge will rule? If you can present substantiated facts supporting your concerns, the judge may rule differently. Your lawyer represents you and is paid for by you. If he doesn't want to present your case in a manner that you approve, I'd get another lawyer.
Good luck!
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