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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been interested in this guy for years, we have been in almost constant contact for years, he worked away and didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship. All of our friends say they don’t understand why we aren’t together and I’m frequently asked what is going on between us. He has now moved home but now seems to be going on dates with other people but hasn’t asked me out despite the fact that we go to lunch and dinner etc together and always see each other ( he hasn’t told me he’s dating anyone) I’m totally confused in my head when he came back we would be together and now he’s back I want to say something but I don’t want to ruin our friendship because I really do care about him, but I feel like I’m dying inside because I just want to be with him. How I am acting is totally the opposite who I am I am doubting myself at every turn. So my question is, do I tell him how I feel!? Really not sure how to do that whilst still staying friends if he isn’t interested in anything more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): If years have passed and there is no evidence that he feels the same. The question is, why bother telling him what you feel?
Do you think telling him you want him will make him want you back? Does he send any firm or definitive signals he feels for you?
You have to be ready to handle the answer; if it is not what you're hoping for, when you tell him how you feel.
In any case, you will know; and you can move on if you have to.
I can only say that if you tell him; be prepared to be told, if he doesn't feel the same. If he does, then wonder why he hasn't let you know after all this time? I'm not being cynical, I happen to be a guy and I know men. Don't pretend to just be friends; if that's not enough. Go find what you need and deserve with somebody else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2019): You have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel. If he's not interested then you need to know that. You can't ruin your friendship because your friendship is based on you being in love with him and pining for him. And you don't want a friendship anway, you want a relationship. What you're afraid of 'ruining' is the hope that something might happen between you if he says no. Maybe he only sees you as a friend or maybe he doesn't realise you'd be interested in more.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 December 2019):
 Why WOULDNT you tell him? Seriously, it makes no sense.
You tell him your feelings, he replies with his. You either get together or you don’t, either way you have your answer.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 December 2019):
 Another story where I would love to hear the other's party's side.
I wonder if he is waiting for YOU to make it obvious you want a relationship? I think it would certainly do no harm to cautiously check out the ground. When you are out one night, say something like "You know, I always thought we would end up as a couple sometime." See what his reaction is. You don't have to profess undying love but just start a conversation and see where it leads.
If he tells you he is not interested in you that way, I think it will be very painful for you to stay friends, especially if he gets a steady girlfriend and moves on with his life. Hard as it will be, it will be easier on YOU in the long run if you jump ship and move on.
However, I am jumping the gun. Have the conversation. Nothing ventured. Good luck.
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