A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am 40 yrs old and i haven't dated in 15 years. i recelently lost weight and now i feel better about my self and i want to date. i looked up an old friend that use to be interested in me when i was big so i know he would love to see me now. i never dated him because i was big and he is fine. i didn't want to get hurt. he is also shy, very shy and neither one of us know what to say. i ask questions and he replys with 3 words. how do i communicate with him. i can't even get enough out of him to find out what he likes. i really like him and he really like me but we both are shy and don't know how to communicate with each other so how can we go out. i never learned how to date because my 1st boyfriend beat me evey other day. that when i gain weight and never came outscared in the SC
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male
reader, quarky  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 Yep, I agree, take it slow-start off by not making a 'date'-just get together for a coffee, a drink after work. Get chatting and see how it goes -good luck!
A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (9 July 2009):
 I'm sure that you can handle dating if you take it slowly. It's good that you are feeling happy with yourself and have gotten clear of your first boyfriend. No doubt, that relationship left you kind of uncertain about life and people. Taking better care of yourself is a good first step toward the rest of your life.
As to the issue of dating and shyness, I think you would be well-served by taking some of the pressure off yourself and your old friend by thinking of it as a friendship first and that will help you both take things slowly and develop a bond. Hopefully, this will also help alleviate some of the shyness.
The best relationships usually start out as good friendships and then evolve from there. So, think of something nice you would like to do with your friend. Make it something simple and painless like a movie and an ice cream cone to start. This would allow you to spend time together but wouldn't require constant talking.
After that, you might come up with a more seductive evening with your friend. Invite him for a romantic dinner at a nice Italian restaurant with candlelight and soft music. Break the ice with a nice red wine and enjoy some pasta together.
Just take slow, gradual steps. Find out what he likes. Share your time with him and be patient.
And, remember, if he doesn't work out, there are plenty of other guys out there. Just take your time and pick the right one.
Best of luck. xo
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