A
female
age
36-40,
*a petite belle
writes:My best friend and I had a fallout and we both missed each other and agreed to figure out our differences but I don't think she understands that I hate to be lectured. I do not want to sound pompous or like I know everything, because I don't, but when I vent to her I disclose "I just want to vent" and I tell her my issue she goes on and starts telling me what to do which then makes me really mad.Everything I do, she tells me why it's a wrong approach and it bugs me because I am okay with my decision in life. I am a person who questions all aspects of a decision, the good, the bad, the worst case scenario, the best... She takes decision super spontaneously so when she vents to me I listen and more often than not I see that some of her decisions either she's not going to follow through with it or she's not looking at everything or she wants results fast. The moment I tell her something most of the time she says, "But you don't understand..." or, "You'll never understand...." It bugs me because I feel like I am more sensible with decisions but she won't just listen and I start getting closed off and to avoid another disagreement like the one we had where we started yelling at each other I just close off and I end up leaving somewhat upset.She won't listen to my point of view and wants me to listen and she won't let me vent and wants to lecture me even when I have made my decision. She won't let me explain WHY i took a decision and goes on to lecture me... I HATTTEEEEEE that.She's the only loyal friend I have. She sticks with me through the good and bad. BUT this aspect makes me not want to talk to her at times.
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 November 2017):
If you are indeed friends, then just tell her how you feel and explain what she is doing wrong and what you need from her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2017): It’s normal sorry as this may feel like a lecture as well and it isn’t ..
It’s normal for friends who listen ( you do the same ) to offer they’re wise words of wiisdom.. as they wish to help.. you seem to think that your more wiser than your friend ( really, what a way to think ) and therefore her advice to you is cwap but your to her is gold dust .
If your in the age bracket you say you are I’m shocked as your acting like a kid . I think because you don’t acknowledge her contribution to your troubles - why vent them to her - she won’t acknowldege yours .
I think you need to let the friendship be about more fun things and keep those discussions to other people who can actually be apart of them .. you two just can’t relate on this . So don’t
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2017):
 It sounds like you both might just not be compatible as friends. This is who she is, you cannot change her therefore you either need to say to yourself stop venting to her and she won't annoy you or put up with it and accept this is who she is. The only other alternative is to end the friendship and find friends who are more like you.
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (3 November 2017):
la petite belle is verified as being by the original poster of the question We do other things, this was never an issue as of lately. I feel like she started feeling a bit more influential when she started getting trips and tickets to events for free. I absolutely mean no strings attached AT ALL. People like her, She is super friendly and people literally give her stuff for free. She will be-friend anyone like even people with questionable lives. I am not saying this is bad but I am the opposite, I was raised to work hard for my own things and not to depend on anyone so I feel like because she got the upper hand in a few instances and because of that I feel like she believes she's got everything under control including my decisions...
I really don't want to lose her but it bugs me that even yesterday when we sat down to catch up, I had just mentioned about a recent dilema I faced (and I had already made up my mind) but was just telling her the details when she interrupted "but why are you saying this, I cannot believe you are even questioning..." I interrupted her and I was like "I know that, I am trying to tell you why I got to this conclusion, what I was saying is..." and it created an awkward silence and then I just felt super pissed off
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (3 November 2017):
I suppose she isn't a good listener or is overwhelmed by your venting. You know her as well, and it is possible she just isn't that type of person to listen to that amount of venting. She cannot be someone else and the same goes for you. Do you both do other things together? Like going out, doing adventures, shopping, dinner, that sort of thing? You can have a friendship without all aspects being perfect.
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