A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:Hi All.Okay so my problem is as follows:My sister and I are very close. I'm younger so I am or rather was given a lot of love and attention. (i'm 21) We have so much fun together; we fight, laugh, travel together etc...You get the picture.Now she's kind of serious with this guy, lets say A, who I approve of and like a lot as a person...I mean they both compliment each other and he is really nice and we hang out a lot too, so no problems there. But throughout her relationship with A, although i like him, he puts me off. Its not him, its me. Suddenly so much attention which I received is now given to him. Besides this, at times I feel my sister cares less about me and more about him, and its true...she just doesn't pay any attention to me. She is so engrossed in the relationship that I can't help but wonder if we would share our close relationship in the future. My Parents also like him a lot, so he is always at our house and with us on all family occasions. I like that. I mean, its healthy. I don't disapprove of it. But I don't like it too much either. All the attention is now on A.I'm no kid, but I cant help feeling, not jealous, but so angry at times. Its not all the time. I mean overall, I like his company and its all good, but just sometimes whenever A is around, I get into a bad mood. I'm not rude to him or anything, its just that i don't enjoy family time. And so I avoid spending time with my family when he is around.I know its not a good thing to behave like a child. I mean these are basic behavioral issues and we're supposed to rise above it, but well thats the issue. I'm having the hardest time doing that.A week from now, we are going on a vacation and A along with his elder brother is coming with us. And I am SO put off by the entire idea. Ugh.But I know the right thing is just to accept him. So I ask you all to help me rise above this petty petty feeling in practical manner. And nothing drastic please because I can't just change suddenly and be all cool with it.Thanks A LOT!!!
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female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Ok, nothing drastic, you've got it. :)Just some thinking to do...You certainly have been the spoilt baby of the family over the years. Now the scene changes, big sis gets serious with a great guy, Mr A., who sounds rather nice and little sis has her nose put out of joint.If we swapped you and your sister's places around, what do you think you could or should expect from your family and younger sister? Would you love her any less?If you are showing anger (and I really think it's a little jealousy) then perhaps you should talk to your sister about it in a quiet moment. Don't spoil this for your sister, that could backfire worse than you think.You already have the solution to this in your question: `rise above this petty petty feeling'. I can't give you a method or exercise which will magically cast out your daemons and simply change your mind overnight to accept this situation. But I can give you a reason: your sister. Take this as an opportunity for you to give something back to your sister and your family. It will be your turn before you know it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Honey, it's NORMAL when people get more serious in a relationship that they go though periods where they just absorbed in each other. It strengthens the bond between them.
She doesn't LOVE you any less, then she did before. But she is slowly trying to "stand" on her own. And even if you don't like it, you are going to have to accept that.
Being mad at her and him is (as you put it childish) BE glad she is with a guy who loves her, who treats her well, who is likable.
Maybe you don't want to admit it but perhaps you are more then a little jealous? that she has THAT and you don't? (yet)
Are you planning on spending the vacation pouting and acting like a spoiled angry brat? Or do you intend on enjoying it?
It really is up to you.
I hate to be the one to tell you, but... the world doesn't revolve around you. And the more you POUT the less your sister will want to spend time with you. BUT if you are smart, you will sit her down and talk to her. TELL her that you feel a little neglected and that you DON'T like to be mad at everyone.
You are still loved - THAT I am sure of.
Try and see it from her side, would you like it if SHE was single and you were dating and she acted liked you do?
At least you recognize that you are being petty, maybe your next move is to figure out how to stand you YOUR own. You need to be able to make yourself happy, not depend on others for that.
Chin up.
...............................
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