A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question, how do I reignite the spark in my relationship? I've been with my man for 3 and a half years, we're living together the last few months and thats been good i guess. I'm feeling really weird. I love him to bits, and he's absolutely stunningly gorgeous. But I cant get aroused sexually for him, I dont really like kissing, I find myself looking at him and feeling lonely, if that makes any sense.I dunno whats wrong with me cos our relationship is great, he's really good to me and treats me really well and loves me. So why is this nagging feeling inside me giving me feelings of sadness whenever im around him, like im waiting for something to happen. I know its a given that after some time relationships get a little stale, but there must be some way of getting over this patch. We laugh all the time and i love being with him. But uts almost as if I'm sinking. All the sweet things he said to me before he still says, but they mean less if ya know what I mean. He doesnt feel any differently, because I spoke to him about it and he's still crazy for me and I know that. But when he tells me he loves me, or that im sexy or anything like that, I dont feel it. It doesnt mean anything to me, at all. Nothing he says does. And its driving me crazy. Im constantly feeling like there isnt enough of something, and i know its my fault. Does anyone have any advice? Im really getting tired of feeling so helpless. I do love him, but all the things that come with it have faded away and now i feel empty and lost. All the things I used to love about him i still love but I find most of the time he kind of annoys me. I really want to make this work. He'd amazing and lovely and I dont wanna lose him. What can i do to reignite the spark in our relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): ive been having this problem too....:(its weird and sad isnt it? gorgeous amazing sweet guy and yet you dont feel loved despite that hes crazy for you... not sure what im going to do yeti think its a good idea to let him know thoughmaybe hes just not The One?
A
female
reader, samurai girl  +, writes (12 February 2009):
 I feel for you because I was/am going through the same thing. I've been w/ my chap for 5 months this weekend and I have been feeling disconnected.
He treats me like gold, so all the issues are mine. I've been reading some very good relationship books and trying to focus on the positive things.
You have to *practice* changing your thinking patterns and stop the negative thoughts before they can take root. As I've been saying to myself, "Stop being selfish and do something to make him feel good. Show him how much you appreciate him." Write out a list of the Pros and Cons of your relationship and read it over and over again. I did and it's helping me.
Stop focusing on you and give him what he gives you, admiration, respect & the benefit of the doubt. Good luck!
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