A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:After being in a long marriage and meeting a new man how do I regain confidence in myself as a sexual woman . My ex showed little attraction to me despite all efforts I made to be attractive and my new man is great but has a strong like for porn with women younger in their twenties when I'm 50 and much prettier than me . I know it's unlikely he could ever score these women But still I can't help feeling like I'm going to be judged unfavourably in his head because I'm older my body isn't perky and I'm sure he is really wishing he could have one of them instead but take me as I'm what's available I feel I wasted any beauty I had on a man who didn't appreciate me and now any man my age just wants much younger prettier women . I know I need to get out of this way of thinking but how when I know he's probably been looking at someone so much hotter than me just hours before.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2018): Sweetheart, you seem to keep choosing the same kinds of men. Don't for a minute think there is something wrong with you. There ISN'T. The problem is your choices in men. I'd dump the current guy. Be single. Do things you enjoy. Dance, work out, find new hobbies. Love yourself for awhile. This guy is a loser not worthy of YOU!
A
male
reader, BE125  +, writes (1 June 2018):
Hi, it seems like it’s always easy for folks to get concerned about the superficial aspects of relationships, the looks, age, etc. what I know for sure is that we are all getting older at exactly the same pace and that nobody stays or looks young forever, we all have our turn. Don’t feel like it’s your fault that you’re 50 and all these other “actors” appear prettier. That kind of industry distorts reality in a real sense. It’s a fantasy world that doesn’t exist in real life, and it’s a world that does great harm to the people who participate in it. You are miles ahead of all those people because you actually understand how unrealistic all that stuff is. People want that buzz, but it’s only temporary and it goes away, so then there’s a feeling of wanting to feel that buzz again. So, I don not believe you have a self confidence problem. I think it’s far more likely that the people participating in watching that stuff are the ones with the issues, and you may be in the perfect position to help pull them out of the rut they are in!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 May 2018):
 I agree with Code Warrior,
I don't think this guy is right or "good" for you.
Beauty isn't the only thing men want from a woman (and those who ONLY want that... well, they are kind of shallow and NEVER satisfied anyways). So mourning your "lost beauty" is a waste of time. Be you. Find the GOOD thing about your appearance and "highlight" those. Taking good care of yourself is in itself rather attractive IMHO. (at any age).
I know many women in their late 40's mid-50's who look great. Sure, they don't look 20.. That is unrealistic!
Just as you don't want to have a man date you because " I'm what's available"... don't settle for a guy who is so into porn and whom you FEEL is "settling" for you. Because? IT means YOU are settling for him!
Do men (and women) compare their sexual partners to people in porn (in general) I really don't think so. I honestly think (and this is just me guessing) that the APPEARANCE of the porn-star is sort of irrelevant - what REALLY "matters" to the viewer is whether the "actors" get the viewer AROUSED and facilitate a/the fantasy.
You might ask, so why does he watch porn with 20'something women then? Because:
1. that is the LARGEST group of porn-stars. They actually have a VERY short "career" on average.
2. Basic instincts for the majority of heterosexual males are FERTILE looking women (which happens to be... women in their 20's-30's.)
3. Some men (and I'm sure women) PREFER to look at porn with HOT porn-stars because the FANTASY of porn is that the VIEWER gets to "pretend" that THEY are the partner in the movie screwing the HOT "actor".
4. It's fantasy and make believe.
However, IF a man makes you feel SECOND best or not "goo enough" - then he isn't a good fit and YOU are wasting your CURRENT good looks on him! And your time.
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