A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was in a short-term relationship with someone who said I was wonderful, beautiful, a nice woman with a "good heart." Although we started our as friends our relationship progressed. He was warm, caring, intelligent, funny..all I could want in a man. He treated me with respect. His loving, tender looks, embrances and conversations make me feel there was hope for this relationship. It was obvious to everyone around us that he cared for me. He even discouraged other men who had wanted to date me. Due to health reasons, he ended up retiring early from his job, and making a decision to move to another state to be closer to his family. He and I discussed the situation and I thought we agreed to continue just being friends after his move. He started distancing himself from me (not returning calls, no showing up for dates etc.)He even tried to arrange dates for me with other men, so as he put it "I would have someone to look after me when he was gone." I was insulted by his actions, and refused his candidates. He told me it was important to him that I not be alone once he was gone. The last thing he said to me before he left was that if he wasn't moving, he and I would be together in a long-term relationship. He relocated without giving me a forwarding address or phone number. Occasionally, I would run into his best friend, who seemed to go out of his way to relay messages from my ex to me. My ex would never contact me himself. This left me hurt, confused and bewildered! Why could we not enjoy the time we had left together before he moved? Why all the drama? Why the conflicting emotions on his part? I need to understand his actions, perhaps then I can truly have closure in this relationship and move on. It has been over 2 years since this relationship ended and I have not considered even friendship with a man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am extremely grateful to all who responded to my question. As a result of your advice, I can put that strange relationship in perspective and move on with my life. I did find out (through a mutual friend), that shortly after he moved one of his legs was amputated.
I have learned (for future reference) to discard words and look more closely at a person's actions. Also, I have accepted the fact that he didn't want a relationship with me. I am not ready to start dating again, I have to work on myself so as to avoid another strange relationship like that one.
A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (5 February 2011):
It sounds to me that his health issue was worse than what he told you. He didn't want you to see him sick and possibly dying soon.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (5 February 2011):
 That was certainly no way to handle a break-up. He should have been honest with you. The way it played out was ambiguous, leaving you with lots of unanswered questions. It wasn't fair and certainly no way to treat a friend.Take away all his words, all his messages through his friend, and any other kind of verbal communication. Now look solely at his actions - *He distanced himself (not returning calls, not showing up for dates etc.)*He even to arrange dates for you with other men*He relocated without giving a forwarding address or phone number*He would never contact you himselfThat is where your answer lies. I know it's a trite saying, but actions do speak louder than words. He has told you, through his actions, that he does not want any kind of relationship with you. I don't think you will ever know the reason why, as this man appears to avoid conflict at all costs. If you happen to reach him and get to ask him, "Why?" Don't expect him to give you an honest answer. You will not achieve the closure you desire. He will probably only give you false hope, because he is an avoidant personality.It could be any number of reasons. Two years is a long time to grieve over a lost relationship, however. You must find a way to move on. If you cannot, if you are truly stuck, I think it would be a good idea to seek counseling.
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