A
male
age
36-40,
*acobC
writes:I had an affair with a girl "Kelsey" , she was girl I worked with and was going through a hard time with her family . It started out as friends , me being there for her when she needed someone to lean on. I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex. We got along fine but the passion wasn't there anymore. Kelsey knew I had a gf but neither of us planned on the affair happening. At first it was just us being there for each other and then it turned sexual. I ended my relationship with my gf, I told her what was going on and that I felt horrible. Kelsey's family / friends are always utelling her that I will do the same with her. I'm not a serial cheater , I never cheated on the past and with her it just happened. I want to show her that she is safe with me but I don't know how? Is there any way to make her and others believe that I won't hurt her and that I'm in this relationship sip for the long haul
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2016):
 You are in this relationship for the long haul, just like you where with your ex. Nothing can stop you from cheating again, especially if you cheated on someone who you where with for five years. My guess is Kelsey will always feel a small bit unsure because she knows you are capable off it.
A
female
reader, Slippers  +, writes (9 December 2016):
I think ivy blue though all comments are fab . Kinda nails it .. its the shoulder to cry on .. you gave more attention to your new gf without even trying to fix your relationship . New grass syndrome. The passion was lacking instead of working on that you went elsewhere . People use the oh they are only a friend to see where it will get them maybe you could tell your new gf that you will not spend time other than casual hi .. how are you chats with other females .
As she thinking your worse than her ..as she wasn't with anyone .. you were and you still cheated .. so did she but that isn't how she looks at it . And who sating what could happen if the passion goes here as well or the novelty wears of .
Maybe as ivy blue says work out boundaries with other opposite sex member what is she comfortable with . Etc . For me it's very difficult for guys to be just friends or supporting another person .
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (9 December 2016):
I think ivy blue though all comments are fab . Kinda nails it .. its the shoulder to cry on .. you gave more attention to your new gf without even trying to fix your relationship . New grass syndrome. The passion was lacking instead of working on that you went elsewhere . People use the oh they are only a friend to see where it will get them
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 December 2016):
Well I don't think that you can really, not 100% anyway. I mean, it would only seem natural to think "well he did it to her why not me? ". It may not be who you are but you have demonstrated what you are capable of. I think her family and friends judging you is a bit rich considering she was happy to shag another woman's man so I wouldn't be too concerned about what they think anyway. Transparency perhaps? Be open and honest with who you choose to interact with and how. Discuss boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex. What is acceptable and what is not. I mean both of you are familiar with where being a shoulder to cry on gets you. Maybe being accountable and acknowledge to each other that what you to did to your ex was an arse hole act and not the kind of pain you wish to be a part of inflicting on anyone ever again. Learning by your mistake kind of declaration. 'It just happened'- cliché of the cheater, just saying...
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 December 2016):
 Time.
That's it. Words won't do anything. To be fair, she still entered the affair knowing you were taken, so she's to blame too. Unfortunately for you, never being trusted by her or her family could be karma for cheating.
Just time and loyalty.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 December 2016):
 The problem here is that you CANNOT guarantee you will not cheat. You didn't plan to cheat with this girl. As you say, "neither of us planned on the affair happening".
However, given that your girlfriend knew you already had a girlfriend, she was as guilty of the cheating as you were.
I wonder why her family and friends are so worried about you?
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