A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Aunts So I have a crush on this guy for a while , back then he was mostly talking about his ex gf but the day his present gf came down (before that he referred her to me as an ex), he told me that they were just going to meet up and catch up. Then he told my they had sex so they are still together and he said they are on a break. I really like him and he likes me but how can I set the record straight? I know I wont date or have sex with him but can you guys give me words of wisdom. How to put him in his place? What type of ultimatum should be used? ..... How do I know if he really likes and how can I prove it?
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a break, crush, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Guys, The best advice ever. I always thought his speeches was full of it
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 November 2014):
 The guy think he can "sweet talk" you into complying with his wishes (and that is for you to continue to be his F-buddy).
He tried to sound all smart and "mysterious" in hopes to hook you, AT LEAST til his GF decides what SHE wants. It makes you second choice. Why waste time on this?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2014): Never give an ultimatum unless you are prepared to carry it out.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 November 2014):
 It's just rubbish from a guy who thinks, or wants to think, he's profound and everyone else is an idiot.
He's probably just buying time, as you say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Guys
Ok so i didnt give him an ultimatum but I told him how I felt and I have decided that am not going to be his girl toy. He seems confused but honestly I think he is just buying time for when the ex comes back or whatever.
He told me a bunch of crap he sees raw potential innocence and energy in me and that he maybe selfish in wanting to draw it out of me or draw me to him?? whats does that mean?
He also said that I may be naive but he is no monster , that he would mend me if he broke me and he always has his intents based on the positives... yea am lost....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 I know one thing...you can know for sure he has no respect OR feelings for you if he treats you the way he is doing now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 November 2014):
I fully agree with YouWish's advice.
Ultimatums should be to YOURSELF not him. Having a crush on a guy doesn't mean he OWES you fidelity or anything else.
My guess is he enjoyed KNOWING that you "pined" after him, but he wasn't over his ex, you were just entertainment while they sorted themselves out.
Don't waste time on guys like that. If they talk A LOT about an ex... they aren't over the ex and they CERTAINLY aren't ready for a new woman in their lives.
Let him go. I'd just slowly let this "friendship" or whatever it is run out in the sand, stop being available to him, stop being his ear to bend over the ex. Basically, move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2014): He chose to have sex with someone else when you two were already talking and friendly.
That means he doesn't see you as longterm girlfriend material.
If he did, he would have asked out already, or at least he wouldn't have slept with his ex(?).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 November 2014):
 I mean this in the most compassionate and respectful way, but I think your ultimatum should be to yourself, and should be worded like:
"You either are going to be desperate for the dregs of male society while waiting for this lying guy's crumbs,
OR
You'll blow him out of your life and thoughts and find a guy who is single and will actually cherish you without "de-classifying" other women he's having sex with".
In short, this guy is baggage-addled bad news, and ultimatums will not help.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (16 November 2014):
 I don't think the ultimatum here is "it's her or me". Rather, you just want him to be honest with you since he's taking advantage of your crush. He thought that by referring her as an ex it would make you hope that you could get with him. That strokes his ego, having two women wanting him. He told you they were just catching up to justify saying "on a break." Then he admitted he had sex for what? To make you jealous? I don't understand how you can crush on a guy like that.
If a guy is a waste of your time you let them go and forget about them. He's behaving like you are an idiot, so gullible. Maybe you want to set the record straight because you feel unfair that he treats women like that. To put him in his place, what I would probably end up doing is to mock him. Whenever he says something to get a reaction from you, respond in a sarcastic tone. Such as, "Yes I am soooo jealous." Or "yes, ex with benefits is the best thing ever." "You always intrigue me with those stories with your ex. Can't wait to here more." Say what he wants to hear but makes sure you know that's his intention.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (16 November 2014):
He already has proved it with his ongoing discussions and continued contact with his ex (including the sex which he made a point of telling you about).
You'd look rather foolish issuing an ultimatum, I'm afraid. If he were serious about you and you alone, he wouldn't be 'on a break' with his 'ex'.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (16 November 2014):
 In my opinion, you should NEVER use an ultimatum on a guy. You can talk to him, tell him how you feel about the situation, and suggest a compromise. NEVER an ultimatum.
First and foremost, you need to find out if this guy likes you in the same way/capacity you like him. Maybe he only sees you as a close friend. I would just tell him that you have feelings for him and ask where him and his ex are in their relationship.. whether he wants to give you and him a chance, or wait for his ex to reconcile with him.
If he appears to not know what he wants, then you can let him know that he needs to make a decision (you can give him a time frame, maybe a couple of weeks to a month), but until then, you and him will just remain friends (no kissing, no sex).
Best of luck!
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