A
female
age
,
*ike_singledad
writes:I am I single father of a 16 year old daughter. Last week she had her "boy"friend over and they were watching a movie, she calls him her boyfriend but I never seen them as a couple because she is so young. I left to do some work outside and when I came in they were making out on the living floor. They are both very good kids and I dont think she is having sex (but maybe im just a hopeful dad). My concern is that he is 2 yrs older and she may feel like she has to have sex with him . I want her to be protected and not get pregnant but how do I put her on birth control with out her thinking im giving her permission to have sex. And how do talk to her about waiting until she is married ( cant a dad dream for that ) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, always.curious.ray. +, writes (13 March 2009):
 i wouldnt go with the shot,the ring or the patch! go with the pill...or even the stuff they sale at wal-mart its called Encare...it works really good. but yeah dont do the shot,the ring or the patch...but how u get her started on it is u tell her flat out im ur dad i think its time that you went on birth control....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): i would put her on the pill or even a shot thos last up to 3 years i think, tell her u love her and trust her but nobody has control of their hormons i was 13 when i lost it i hope you have a good relationship with with your daughter i never meet my dad maby things would be diffrent if i did. goood luck soon to be grandpa
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): I definitely think that you should talk to her about sex and birth controll because she probially wants to talk to you about it anyways but it might be awkward for her to start the conversation because you're her dad. Make sure you don't start accusing her of doing anything that you don't know for sure. It's actually a good thing she's open to having her boyfriend over and introducing him to you. I'm a teenage girl and I'd never do that because I'm not open with my parents. No one talked to me about sex or told me what it can do and as of now I'm 15 and had sex with 15 guys already and had a 3-some and anything else you could do really all because I didn't know any better, I finally learned on my own.
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A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I'm not a parent, but I am a teenage girl so maybe I could provide a perspective similar to your daughter's.
Firstly, I'd say be glad she's open that he's her boyfriend, more problems arise when teenagers don't even tell their parents their spouse exists.
You can't physically "put her on birth control", but you can educate her and provide support. Don't approach her with the sole goal of preventing a pregnancy, aim to make her feel like she can talk to you openly about things like that, it helps more in my opinion.
Before talking to her, think about whether you'll be embaressed about talking to her, as I know from experience, a parent that comes across as embaressed is not one I would feel comfortable approaching of my own accord. If you will be embaressed, ask a female friend or relative to speak to her about it, if no one is suitable, you'll just have to brave it I guess.
Don't talk to her directly about it, as in, don't go up to her and start off with sex as the topic, it's embaressing and would make her uncomfortable. Talk to her when you're doing normal things together, and just do it casually.
Explain that you have confidence in her and know she's a good kid, but that you want to know she's safe. Try telling her that she shouldn't be embaressed about it and you wouldn't be angry if she asked for help with getting contraception.
Lastly, I wouldn't attempt the waiting til marriage comment, unless you run a religious household.. as most teenagers would see this as condemning them, and could push them from talking to their parents.. but DO explain that she should always be sure of a person first, and to never feel pressured because it's not the normal thing to do. Support and encourage her with becoming a grown woman, and make her feel like a young adult, rather than a reprimanded child like how some parents have a tendancy to do (with or without intention).
I hope this helps, and hopefully you understand that although some adults/parents may disagree with this, I'm merely giving my view as I'm the same age as your daughter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Oy. My eldest is 15 -- I'm looking at my future here.
By this point your daughter is aware of your values. It doesn't hurt to remind her of all the reasons that it's best for her to wait, and to let her know you would be disappointed if she didn't. Be candid about your concern that an older b/f might unduly pressure her, and remind her that any guy who uses a line like "if you loved me you'd ..." does not, in fact, love her.
With due respect, though, the idea of your giving "permission" strikes me as a bit off. Maybe you meant you didn't want to seem to encourage it?
Nothing easy about this parenting this, is there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): dream all you like - a good dad now will help guide her though the difficult minefield of first sexual experience by listening and advising from the touchlines.
talk to her and tell how you feel - but she will shag anyway so talk to her.
make sure she knows about protection. If she is shagging and he is permanent then talk to her about the pill.
make sure she respects you and your house rules - e.g. no sex in front of me or similar.
make sure to always use a condom
make sure when she gets hurt or upset that you will be there, she is really an adult now, but you will be there (always).
Star.x.
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