A
female
age
51-59,
*eechee
writes:During sex my boyfriend has always made it important to look in each others eyes. Now after he has cheated when hes on me he looks up or down or above my head. I believe hes thinking of her.am I right? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 October 2015):
 Probably. I have spent the last 50 years believing that I was making out with Carly Simon, any time I get some lucky lady in the sack with me......
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2015): BIG CORRECTION: "I did try to get even, or suspect every good-looking male he talked to."
This is what I truly meant to say:
I [DID NOT] try to get even, or suspect every good-looking male he talked to. He was a lawyer. He interacted with people every single day, and I'd go crazy if I did!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2015): He knows you have not fully forgiven him. The fact you assume he's thinking of her is evident that you have not quite forgiven him; and you are a little damaged. I've forgiven my previous partner for cheating; and I've been through all the typical emotions. By nature, I am a forgiving person who doesn't hold on to pain so long it hurts me from the inside, and other people around me.
For now, you will have to deal with the sting of betrayal; because you either took him back to keep him from her. Or, you took him back because you love him; and you want to keep what you had that was good.
I kept what I had because we were five years into a very good relationship, after knowing each other since our teens. That was all good; but I didn't punish him with suspicion, or throw it up in his face. I didn't go through his phone, check his underwear, or make him account for his every move. I did try to get even, or suspect every good-looking male he talked to.
I have more class and dignity than that.
If it bothered me that much, I would have kicked him to the curb and just moved the hell on. I hate drama!
I'm human, I wanted to; but there's something I've been taught about forgiveness. Everyone can't do it. Everyone can say they forgive, few can mean it. I wouldn't allow my current boyfriend to cheat on me. He will not speak to any of his exes for cheating on him. If that's how he feels, I will hold him to the same standard. I really care for him, but no one is going to get the second chance my previous partner got. That was then, this is now.
However; I forgive people for many other reasons. When I feel it's too hard, I cut ties; but make peace with them all the same. I refuse to thrive on bitterness, or give people power over my emotions. Sweetheart, it took a lot of time and experience to reach this point in my life. You have to practice it.
Girlfriend, if you are going to worry if he's still into her, give him up; and get on with our life. He may as well be with her, if you think that's where his head's at.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 October 2015):
 more likely than not he's wracked with guilt and cannot look into your eyes without feeling like the creep that he is. Real men don't cheat!
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 October 2015):
Honeypie is right...kind of hard to look into the eyes of someone you cheated on. Put yourself in his place...would you be so willing to look into his eyes??
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2015):
 I would presume he is more ashamed of what he did, than thinking of her.
But he would be the only one to know the actual truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2015): Whatever he's thinking of, he's not sharing the same intimacy you had before. It might or might not be her that he's thinking of, but the bottom line is you two still have issues.
Are you sure he wants to be with you? He didn't stay for the kids or because it is too much effort to leave?
Are you sure that the reason why he cheated has been eliminated?
I'm sorry to be so pessimistic but it looks like he isnt fully invested.
...............................
|
