A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am very happily married (13 yrs. with 3 children) and committed to my husband. I met a (getting divorced) man a few weeks ago at the gym and we've recently become facebook friends. He seems to need and appreciate having a friend to talk to and I really like him as a person. We chat at the gym about his marital/child issues, my hobbies and interests, my children, but never talk about my marriage. My husband is aware of this friendship and has been "coaching" me on "email flirting", ie: don't reply to emails too quickly, let him pursue me, etc. He enjoys the company of women (my friends, female coworkers), doesn't have any guy friends, and doesn't see any issue with my having a male friend. I feel like it's silly to play "flirting/games" with this man, as he's aware that I'm married. I don't see any reason not to email freely and develop a genuine friendship with this man right now, as opposed to playing hard to get. But I don't know what his intentions may be towards me and don't want to lead him on either. I must add that my husband's intentions are not entirely pure, as he'd like to spend time socializing with female coworkers outside of work - just as friends - but I haven't allowed him to do so because I don't want him 'falling' for another woman. He says that he'd like for me to have male friends because it would justify him having female friends. Thoughts? I'm a bit confused and don't know how to proceed with this new friendship, if that's the right term to describe it. I will say that if I wasn't married, I'd be interested in him. But I am married and wouldn't want to hurt my husband or break up my family.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 He is just a friend and nothing more ,even though you have a liking for him.Do not cross the line and know where are your limits and boundaries.
You are married and you need to be rational and ethical .
About your not allowing him to socialize with his women coworkers, it is not easy to enforce it and if he wants to do it ,he will find the ways to do it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): He doesn't see how by encouraging me to flirt it's a clear violation of the boundaries in our marriage
i think you are mistaken dear, i think your husband sees that its a violation of the boundaries...and he wants to violate them. that is exactly why he is encouraging you too. then he will have "justification" to also violate them, after all you did it first. i am sorry sweetheart but your husband is already cheating in his mind if not in real life. this is my opinion but i think he has already violated boundaries. no husband intent on having a good marriage and a faithful wife, coaches his wife on flirting techniques...to use on another man. thats just common sense. stay away from this man...
i do agree that we should all be free to have friends of the same and opposite gender but e-mail flirting, playing hard to get, and giving you pointers on how to be pursued....these are huge huge red flags sweetheart.never go there unless you find yourself single at some future time. until then, take the high road. good luck, mal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): I do like this man but don't feel comfortable flirting with him or leading him to believe that I am interested in a sexual relationship. That would just be cruel, as I'm sure he's vulnerable and lonely right now. He really seems to need a friend to talk to. I feel like I can handle the 'being friends' issue in a mature way, should he actually make a move, but I'm more concerned with my husband's reaction. He doesn't see how by encouraging me to flirt it's a clear violation of the boundaries in our marriage. I'm worried that he's looking for an excuse to flirt/get friendlier with other women. It sure seems that way. Thanks for the feedback.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): In your last paragraph you said if weren't married then you would be interested in this new guy. doesn't that tell you that is not a good idea No guy will go out of his way to get tangled up with a married woman for any other reason but sex. He may like you. He may enjoy your company. But if he is going to risk a beating at the hands of a jealous husband, he is going to be damned sure it was worth it. And there is only one perk that makes it worth that hassle.
As yourself why is your husband pushing you towards this guy, helping you with email flirting?? I don't know any husband that would do that no matter how much he trusted his wife. I think he is either having an affair or wanting to have one.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 You both should be able to have male and female friends without it affecting your relationship. If it is affecting you then there are insecurities in your trust with each other.
If you’re happily married then why would you want to flirt with another guy? The guy at the gym will be getting lead on by you which is not fair on him.
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (8 March 2010):
I see an affair appoaching soon, Otherwise you wouldn't be here asking/thinking/writting about this so called man at the gym.
The proff is in the pudding.
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