A
male
age
30-35,
*attingh_c
writes:Ok, here is the situation. I’m 18, and currently working in IT as Server and Desktop support. I met this (most gorgeous, magnificent) woman at one of my sites. BUT she is 39 and has 2 kids! First is 11 second is 14. I’ve been through a divorce my self when I was younger and I never accepted my step-father no matter what. BUT I am not trying to say that I expect her kids to accept me as a father because I KNOW they wont, because they HAVE a father. I ALSO know that her oldest is only 4 years younger than me, and that it would be really weird and difficult for them to accept it, that i don’t actually think it would be a HUGE issue for them, because we all get along REALLY well, but that’s out of the question now.I like her for everything she is, not just looks, I love the way she talks and her laugh, her personality and just about everything. (It feels weird for me to lay everything out on a site, also no one in my family, but my uncle knows about this)Ok now, I quite like her A LOT! We get along soooooo well! We can sit and chat for HOURS and not get bored of each other, we have quite a lot in common. I have helped her a lot with things, not related to work. She has been through a really rough time with her husband (they have been divorced before I met her) She talks to me about almost everything and same with me.Just another thing i dont suffer from Oedipus complex. I have a very loving mother and I DONT want another one!!!I also prefer older woman, at least 3 years older I just get along with them ALOT easier than any younger woman.Now here are my questions and please be honest and give me your opinion. I know she could’ve been my mother but she's not.1.The Kids?2.Would it be worth it for me to take it further? 3.Is is a wise decision?4.Would it (if I decided to go into a relationship) be a good thing, do age gap relationships work?Thanx!
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male
reader, hattingh_c +, writes (8 March 2010):
hattingh_c is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies, it means alot to me to get a insigt from others and people in the same posistion who has already gone through with it!
Any more replies will be great!
Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (8 March 2010):
I am in a relationship with someone 25 years older than me and I'm 35. Ok, my case is extreme and I'm called names like gold-digger and people tell me I'm being used by him because he is trying to regain his youth through me. He's been called a cradle robber. At first I got upset by it but over time we have gotten used to the stares and the judgements. We are both the happiest we have ever been in our lives. This is not for everybody but certainly its worth it to take the chance; it might be the start of something beautiful! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, hattingh_c +, writes (8 March 2010):
hattingh_c is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRE: Angzw
Thanks alot!
I know exactly what you mean by the whole trying to replace "DAD" story I wish my step-dad just tried to be my friend i think i would’ve liked him a lot more.
But yes I understand everything you mean, I would just like to say, the majority of my friends are all in their 20’s – 30’s I just don’t get along with people my age, don’t ask me why, I just feel that they are to immature and do the most unnecessary stuff.
But yes, I am actually really thinking about this, I’m seeing my family criticizing me and saying this and that. But at the end of the that it my decision isn’t it?
My mother would properly have something to say...... she is just as old as the person I’m interested in. But TBH I am actually willing to try it, and just keep it out the family until I know 100% going to work out. The only person who knows about this is my uncle and he just says, be careful for the things you pick up and cant leave alone.
BUT HEY WHO CARES lol!
Thanks again!!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Hi there.I think you should go for it. You cannot know whether it is a wise or the right decision of you don't try. It is up to her how and when she introduces you into her children's lives and you will have to deal with that situation as it arises. It could well be a very awkward and weird situation for them, for their mother to be dating someone not much older than them, but it happens.Let me tell you my story. I am with a man who's 16 years older than me. I'm 24 and he's 40. He has a 15 year old daughter so I'm closer to her in age than him. We have been together for nearly 2 years now. At first I didnt care abour the age whatsoever because I was just so smitten with being with him. But the age difference is not something you can completely ignore, it will always be a dynamic in your relationship and you will have to think about it if you see this as being long term. It can arise as insecurities, but as long as you talk about it, you can worth through them. As for the children, I get on great with his daughter, just dont act like a parent figure. Just relate to them as who they are. They will probably think its weird and creepy as I was told. But if they get to know you and see you make their mum happy, in time they'll understand and accept it.It's early days, try not to think too far into it, take it slow and see what happens. And there's nothing wrong with liking older women. Everyone's different. It doesn't matter who they are, how old, what race, gender or religion they are. As long as you're both concenting adults and are both happy with the situation, go for it.Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (8 March 2010):
1. The kids- you can only know how they will be towards you after you meet them. I have a boyfriend who loves my kids that are in the age range of your girlfriends' and he has succeeded in winning them over by being a friend and staying out of any contentious or disciplinary issues. So you can win them over if you make sure you don't try to boss them around and demand respect from them.
2. You can take it further if you like just to see how you vibe; perhaps you can date her for a few months and see what happens.
3. Its probably not a wise decision but we can't help who we fall in love with can we? Unwise in that there will be a lot of opposition to your relationship from family and friends of both of you. If you decide to date all the way to marriage, she's probably not going to want kids and perhaps you might like to. When she starts going through menopause at 45 you will be 25. When she's 70 you will only be 50.
4. Age gap relationships can work but usually you will be very isolated. If you can handle not being able to take her to your teenage spin the bottle parties and she not taking you to her friends then it will be ok. This type of relationship can only work if you are both strong willed people who don't give a hoot what other people say. There will be stares in restaurants and sometimes servers will ask "what is your mum is having" and other things like that. If you can handle these little annoyances then you can give it a go. Its likely that your mum will call her a lot of nasty names when she finds out about her so you have to think carefully about how to handle all the politics that will come up. All the best.
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