A
female
age
26-29,
*ithe4ngel
writes:So I think I will try and start at the beginning, I found after about three years of friendship that I had developed a crush on a friend. We became friends at a 6week summer camp we worked at each summer since we met. We started passing letters last summer(he asked me what I thought of him and I couldn't respond because my first thought was well I like you) and I wrote him about the fact I liked him later on. His response was "I have no idea how to respond. its not through any fault of your own, far from it. its just until i figure out my own mind, i will have no frame of reference or idea how to respond."he said I worry to much and that in the future if I want to actively work on it and if he understands himself better.. then he kinda wanders off and says not to worry about it because its the future and the present is pleasent too.We still pass notes and play a game we both like at monthly meetings. Our camp got shut down and when the group of staff I knew went to vist something I can't come to terms happened. I am very apperant in that I am not touchy feely. He hugged mefrom behind and not the polite tap tap hello or goodbye one which arent from behind. I asked because its been bothering me for a week and he responded with that a comment how ..it is human nature to want affection through touch and that he is? less showy about how he gets his fix.. I just dont understand his selection process.I wasn’t near him at the time he was in the nature attic with the rest of the group which I avoided because I am not touchy feely and it was already cramped up there.I think we might have a chance at a relationship in the future but I know it will be slow going, because he is shy and I am and its just odd. I just really want to stop obsessing over it. We won't hang out until Easter weekend for an event the group of friends planned. How do I normalize? how do what do I ask him to stop wondering. I think the letter I will get might help those are much easier and peaceful to obsesses over when it happens on ocassion. I just want advice I think I am being clear as I can manage and I cant really read his body language.I dont know how to be in a relationship and think its a bit soon so I dont want to bring up the topic point blank of liking him again.I feel like if he just said no I dont see you that way I could find a lot of peace.I dont know if he likes me mostly because he doesnt go in my bubble like he does with our friends...then again no one does and its just odd.I feel like telling him no you cant do that ever again but that isnt very rational and there would be few instances where I could see it happening again anyways.It was just a shock.I liked it but I dont like hugs.oh well I am confused haha thanks for your time.
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male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (10 March 2016):
 Well I totally agree with CindyCares its pointless to hold on to whatever moment you shared if he didnt respond with "I like you". Even if your not touchy feely you can tell people you like them. Lets jump the gun and for example he said "love" then I think there's something there but clearly there isnt.Yes a lot of guys (me included) missed a shot for being shy... The girl's giving a hint of affection for a guy so he can make his move, we felt it before and it ended terribly. Dont eat yourself up...from a guys perspective its his loss if he didnt come clean about his feelings.I hope this isnt offensive but you're the buyer not the sale. Dont fret about maybes there so much of it as it is. I say treat him like a friend tduring the Easter Weekend and if he does confess affection then give him a chance. But Im also a shy guy at heart so if you really want to see what's on his mind...ask him out. Talk to him sincerely about his feelings and yours, clear everything up until there's nothing bothering you anymore. Its better to have a SOLID NO that a TON of MAYBES.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Look, make it simple . Assume it's a NO. Which most probably is , IMO- so, if I am wrong... when he'll make up his mind and ask you out, you will have a wonderful , heartwarming surprise. But in the meantime, and in lack of any encoragements from him after a single random moment of touchyfeelingness months ago, don't waste time in picking the petals off your daisies : he loves me... he loves me not... His actions tell that , much more likely than not, he loves you not ( except as a good friend , of course ).
I get it, the guy is shy and not very experienced, but... you offered him his chance on a silver plate, and he declined it ! You are shy too, but you had enough motivation to overcome your shyness and tell him you liked him. Do you really think that it would have been so hard for him to answer ..." well... as a matter of fact I like you too ..?! "
Instead he gave you a classic " It's not you, it's me ".
Which is THE kind platitude which everybody uses to let someone down easy.
Really, what did he have to "think about ". Do you like me, is a very simple , direct , easy question, that does not take a lot of meditating about.
He should have taken is time if the question had been " Can I see myself married to this girl ? " " Is she " the one " ? " and similar.
But if he likes you in a sexual / romantic way , if at least he likes you enough to take you on a date and see what happens,... I bet he knows.
Plus, you are writing each other letters, I assume real snail mail letters ? This is absolutely delightful, and maybe more people should follow your example and go back to this way of communication. Yet, we DO live in a technoligical era, and , if this guy had felt any real interest in getting to know you better and/or finding out if you could become an item, he surely would have resorted to texting or FB or WhatsApp or phone.
Sorry but the way he acted so far, does not show the kind of interest you want from him.
But what about the hug then ?... Ah , that's just the nature of the beast. We are all human, and weak :) He may be a nice guy, I don't doubt it, but he still is a young hormonal male, whose ego has just been stroken. By a girl whom he does not want to date, but that he surely does not find unattractive and hug -proof. He took a little adavantage of you, in a way.... he knew that you have a soft spot for him, and you weren't going to react badly,... and , as he said, he got his fix : of affection, and of physical contact . ( If we want to be brutal, we can say he copped a feel because he knew he could afford it- but of course I do not exclude that he ALSO feels affection for you ).
In short... do not put your hopes high up, the circumstances do not warrant it.
Of course I hope I am wrong, and that the next letter you get from him is a love letter, - but, like I said, it's still wise not to have too many expectations about him just based on a hug, and just enjoy the surprise IF and when it will arrive.
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