A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex dumped me, a little over 3 weeks ago. He told me he loved me in a text and then disappeared. He then turned up on facebook a week later and started posting things right after me in order to provoke a response or get my attention, none of which worked. I figured he made his bed so I'd let him lie in it. 2 days ago he posted a status that showed he was clearly mad I was moving on with my life but yet again I didn't respond.Anyway, this morning I posted a status that I was going to the gym today and running a special errand tonight and for everyone to have a good day. 11 mins after (which is the same amount of time it took him to "revenge post" after me every other time) (clearly he was watching me these last 3 weeks) he sends me a fb message saying it's easier to just delete me than deal with this ^^^^it. He told me to be good, take care and said bye. THAT provoked a response. I wish I had stuck to my guns and not said anything but I did. If he'd just deleted me I'd have said nothing.. But for some reason once he spoke to me I had to have my say as well. I guess it annoyed me that he had to initiate contact to inform me he was deleting me.I sent him a not so nice fb message and then I blew up his cell. He text me back telling me he was working and even sent me a picture of himself today, which annoyed me since I've been healing. He looked so cute and that annoys me too. He knows I love him and how much he meant to me and it's like he's throwing this in my face just to see me beg, or plead. I ended up losing it and pouring out my heart to this idiot, telling him how I missed him and things I loved about him. One minute I tried getting closure, the next I was bitching and the next I was loving/missing him. I was acting like a crazy lady but there were so many things left unspoken. He never said anything in return except that he was busy at work and sent me a couple of work pics, a pic of himself and telling me where he was working at.I haven't stopped crying since. I'm soooo hurt and annoyed. We were together over 3 years and he just "disappeared" on me. I haven't saw him in a month and up until today we hadn't spoken in over 3 weeks, nothing at all between us except his irritated facebook posts.The thing is, he's been clearly getting annoyed at me for moving on but he's the one caused all of this. How do you tell someone you love them and then they never hear from you again? I'm filled with so many different emotions right now. I feel so stupid for telling him I'm still in love with him, but I am. He was the love of my life and sadly I thought he felt the same. I feel worse now than I did a week ago. I was finding it extremely hard to move on with no closure but I was making it alright but now it feels even worse after hearing from him. I guess I hoped he'd say he missed me too or whatever. I'm hurting so bad. Can anyone offer me some kind words, please?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 February 2014):
 Well, the good news is that you are rid of this creepy jerk. What a loser, to treat a girlfriend like that.
I think in a year's time, you'll look back and realize you had a lucky escape.
Mourn the relationship, get your friends to support you and things will get back to a new, better 'normal.'
It might be interesting to do a little research on the stages of grief. They go something like this: denial, bargaining, anger, depression and finally, acceptance. People go back and forth between phases and some pass swiftly, others more slowly. I think you were going back and forth between denial and bargaining. Keeping him on FB was a way of bargaining.
I expect at some point, the anger phase will kick in and then you are on your way to healing up from this.
Trying to keep contact with him wound up with you hurting worse, remember that lesson.
You will make your own closure, it will be healthier in the long run because YOU will determine your path to being free of this rather creepy loser. :) It's a good thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. Because I love him and he chose to run away I didn't think it was my place to delete him off of facebook. I wanted *him* to do that, I don't really know why. I can't really explain it. He chose to stay, until yesterday, and finally got mad (when he saw me moving on just fine) and deleted me. He spent the last 3 weeks watching me, which he told me in the past he'd watch for a few months and if I got with someone else he'd say fuck it.He wanted out, obviously, so I left him on fb but wasn't trying to pine for him like I had been. This is what made him mad and he finally deleted me. I've started NC and have blocked him from everything. But I'm still hurting. I'm still in love with him. I take in everything you all say but it still hurts, ya know? And as crazy as it may seem I know he did love me. I could see it in his eyes and the way he'd hold me. We got to a point where something had to give. He posted on facebook last week that he's having a hard time with this "breakup" too. We did love each other. I'm still in the denial phase I guess. :(
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 February 2014):
You're not moving. You're stalking him on Facebook and still have his number in your phone. Block him, delete him and really move on, don't just pretend.
Why didn't you follow the advice you asked for?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 February 2014):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-bailed-on-me-so-whats-up-with.html
I think this was your original post.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 February 2014):
I am pretty sure you posted about this on DC a few weeks ago and the general advice was that you delete and block him on FB so you didn't have to be upset by his petty remarks. Obviously you didn't follow the advice and things have risen to a level of petty slurring, begging and pleading.
To be honest you both sound as bad as eachother. He is playing stupid games and you keep throwing yourself on the flames!!!
I am assuming you haven't given yourself any proper space and time to really try and move on?? Scoping out his FB and allowing him to send you pics is hardly the way to forget someone. He knows this but I guess it's a case of he doesn't want to be with you but he needs some amusement and you hang so perfectly on that string of his!!
If he ever does want to get back with you it definitely will not be after contunuing with all this stupid 'back and fourth' nonsence.
Cut off his air, block him as we all suggested before. Really grab yourself some space because it's clear you love him but he dos not love you, so why torture yourself??
You blew up his phone and all he could say is 'I'm busy'...so typical of a guy who doesn't give a shit but is happy to drag you along until he finds the next best thing.
How long will you allow this to go on? and WHY can't you find the strength to see what is really going on here and free yourself from someone who no longer cares for you (HIS ACTIONS SAY MORE THAN WORDS)
BLOCK HIM,CUT HIM OFF...HEAL
xx
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 February 2014):
 He got the response he was looking for. He was wanting to hear exactly what you said - that you missed him and loved him and wanted him back. Now he knows he still has you right where he wants you, and he has the upper hand. He is a douchebag who is playing with your emotions.
I have been an avid reader and poster on your previous questions. So I hope that now, you will take others advice and delete him from all aspects of your life. He's playing mind games. And as long as you partake, you will never heal. You deserve better.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (4 February 2014):
 If he upset you moving on then that should be the closure you looking for. He probably still cares about you and loves you thats what you will have ask him to be sure so you can move on. Tell him he just disappeared you dont know whats going on and are you two over just dating or how is the relationship go be. Perphaps it's a friends with benefits situation or perphaps he doesnt want to hurt you so he has just vanished. Instead of fighting on facebook like we do at times it best to fight in person or verbally over the phone or even text messages. I think that way its no confusion. I got dumped by someone I dumped so it was like payback karma crap he text bye he done so he done. I text what I had to say he text what he wanted to make clear one less headache I suppose. So now I focus back more on me cause I dont have my stuff together and he dont either. So it could be he worry about work so he can keep his job in this tough economy if you know what I mean. Rent high child support children need clothes shoes and food. Work is priority to most cause if he wasnt working that would be a issue next. Then while he out of work it would be a issue of him using you and not having good work ethics. But when Im employed Im more inclined to date and be in a more serious relationship. Perphaps he want to play the field.
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