A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,I'm having a hard time right now and could use your advice. I dated my ex for a year, we broke up almost a year ago and he moved to a different city a few months ago, but is back in town this week. He emailed me to ask if I want to meet up.I feel very torn. We are both single, so there are no significant others to consider. I know that if I meet up with him, I will feel some of the pain from our breakup all over again. But I miss him like hell. We did split on amicable terms, but there is no possibility of us getting back together, we're just too different to be together for the long haul. I feel like it would be great to see him. I know it's the not the best idea, but at this point I'm wondering how bad it would actually be, and if maybe the happiness that came with seeing him would outweigh the pain I'm sure I'll feel afterwards?Thoughts and advice would be much appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): The happiness of seeing him will be there for about 3 or 4 hours, how long do you think resetting your feelings of loss right back to square one will last?
Now I know you know it won't work out between you but can you really say when those feelings flood back on the day that you won't suddenly think "fuck it, why not?"
When it comes to this kind of situation I'm very much a 'let sleeping dogs...' kind of guy. You spent this long trying to get over him and still are not completely over him. I disagree with others in that the amicable break up is even more reason to stay away. You don't even have a barrier of resentment to protect you from the effects of seeing him again. It will be very easy to get sucked into the moment and for things to go wrong.
If you need closure, if there are things you need to know that were left unsaid or if you have things you need to say and release yourself from then go. Other than that you're just going to put yourself through the break up all over again.
Now that's just my opinion and what I'd do. If you want to know which of our advice is the right option for you, then just think of how just getting email affected you. Did your heart sink? Did you suddenly start missing like mad after reading it? Did feelings start to flood back in just from that email? If so imagine all that but ten times more profound when you see him in person.
Personally I wouldn't.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (4 February 2014):
 Sounds like you are still in love with him. Are you sure the differences cannot be worked out. I would think since he also wants to see you there was a deep bond. Go for it as you will regret not meeting up with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2014):
 Since you two split on amicable terms I would met up, sometimes that can help heal whatever pain is left. BUT NO SEX.
My first love and I broke up after 4 1/2 years together and it was amicable, but it DID take me a good year before I could handle a friendship with him. And I'm glad we did.
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