| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: ive had a lot of help from this website, now I REALLY need some please!!My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. We had been on a break and he now says he is pretty sure we dont have a future together. We had been together 2 1/2 years, and although it was long distance spent wonderful weekends together twice a month.I am lost. I begged him to change his mind which is pathetic, and kept asking for another chance.Now I cant stop thinking about him with someone else, some other girl meeting his family, his friends, taking my place. There are so many stupid shallow things I loved about him which other men just dont have, for example he was gorgeous, sophisticated, intelligent, and there arent many men like that. I dont know what to do as he is all i want and i wanted to marry him. I can try and move on and find someone else, but in 25 years he was the only man who I ever really fell for. I dont want to wait another 25 years for someone else to come along.Please help me to get through this. Its less than a week to Christmas and Im dreading it. I have a two week holiday in Thailand with all my friends for NY which is great, but then I come back to him probably having already replaced me. Anyone whos been through it.. how do I move on? How do I meet someone who even begins to compare?
View related questions:
a break, broke up, christmas, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): You will get over him and find someone even better. I happened to me once and you really think you will never get over him, but you do. You are going away! Lucky you!!! You are seeing friends for NY! Mega Lucky You!! Pick out the pluses. Don't go for second best and always look to the future.
Don't think about him with someone else. Think about you with someone else. Be positive!!
Have a great Christmas and New Year and let us all know how the holiday went!
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, raq  +, writes (20 December 2006):
 We think no one can compare,its only cause we get used to them.I am getting over a long term relationship and its very hard. Id rather be on my own than have somebody treat me like dirt. You can be better than this,go for life girl and be strong and likeminded. You will find the right one in the end,even if its in years to come .FATE has a very strange way
...............................
A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (20 December 2006):
 Hello, having been in your shoes and through it all (counceling) I would have to say the working method is live. Sounds like your all involved, I have a friend in your shoes. shes bringing back the same dead relationship and he leaves when hes ready and they start all over again. If you try to find a way to enjoy the holliday with your friends, I promise you'll learn about yourself. You sound like an inteligent woman, so why are you wasting time with this? Do you know who you are or what you want? does he? I learned to help others. That's what saves me, find what saves you, it'll be something constructive that you do that brings its own feelings of reward. A complete relationship with yourself, once you figure out what keeps you whole and complete (however you spell it) he'll be more attracted to you too. Not to mention any other man that exceeds the ranks of neanderthal. How you live determines the types of people you meet, sounds weird but stick with me, if you stay around guys that are inteligent and spry, be prepared for that life, those men are all a certain way. (fact not derogatory) just like if you were to change your perceptions of guys and try dating in another social group....if you want meet a guy who is smart funny caring and the total package then accept nothing less, you deserve it dont you? and give it time if it is going to work its going to work on its own time and all the force you exert will only push him away, that time is better spent strengthening your relatiopnship skills and your relationship with yourself. The idea that you cannot live without someone is a confidence trip and when their in a relationship with you its because their willing, if not you cant change that. sad fact I know, but I have been cut by that one too. hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (20 December 2006):
 Oh you poor thing. I really emphasise with you. You must be feeling so wretched. i have gone through a similiar experience. Years ago i was going out with the most gorgeous man. He was the sort whose looks stop you in the street and i couldnt quite believe that he wanted to go out with me. Well for a while it was great but then like you he wanted a break which turned into a split and i was inconsolable cos i thought he was everything. Obviously, he wasnt cos now im with another man who i love very much and i barely give this other guy a thought. However hard it may seem at the moment, and it is hard, you will get over him and you will meet someone else. Someone else who will be better than him cos he'll want to stay with you. you may not think that now and you'll probably say, ill never meet someone else but at the moment its too painful and fresh. Enjoy your holiday away. Itll be a great experience and your friends will be a godsend to you. Dont think about what itll be like when you come back. Take each day at a time and when you think about what he might or might not be doing with someone else, then force yourself to stop and focus on something else. I know what its like. The way i moved on was that i cried for a while then i with effort picked myself up and got out with my freinds and concentrated on my job. Of course it wasnt easy but eventually you'll realise that you havent thought about him for an hour, two hours, a day, a week. I hope this helps and i hope you have a great time on your holiday! Good luckx
...............................
A
male
reader, JackalGaz +, writes (20 December 2006):
 I feel your pain, it is so hard i know to have lost someone who didn't love you as much as you loved them. I can relate this to my last relationship where my fiancee up'd and left me for a friend after only 2 weeks of being on a temp break. Theres no easy way to get through this but please be strong and smile. You begged which shows how much you loved this man now if he does "replace" (which is a self-depreciative term to use and i dont like it) then the last thing you want to convey whenever you bump into him is that you are down. Keep smiling show him that you don't need him and that he has lost someone worth keeping hold of and your concious will be clear for the rest of your life knowing that you wanted it work. Enjoy your holiday rebuild your self-esteem what hurts you can only make you stronger right? well this is exactly the time to be strong. Don't try to carry the love of two people on your shoulders start thinking about yourself and you will have your friends and family around you for support. I wish you all the best and im here to talk to anytime. Gaz xx
...............................
|
