A
female
age
51-59,
*itch
writes:I want to know how to move forward without guilt after divorcing my husband of 20 years because of a sex addiction he had. I want to feel less guilt that I ended the relationship even though he wanted to work on it and try. He is still in counseling and I gave counseling up. I had/have a lot of anger and resentment towards him and found that between his anger episodes and his sex addiction I had enough and wanted to end this 20 year marriage. I have guilt because we adopted a little girl and she is now three and always says she misses her daddy. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for him as well because he refuses to move on. I need some advice on how to get over the guilt I have for ending a marriage that my spouse didn't want to end and for leaving a little girl with two parents who are not together anymore...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): I'm sorry you had to endure this, I've been there, done that and it's not pretty. Sexual addiction leaves a lot more scars than other issues i.e. alcoholism, gambling addiction. It damages the spouse and can upset her self-confidence and self image. You did what you had to do in order to protect yourself and your daughter.Your husband would have been a bad example and peer to your daughter. If she visits with him on weekends, hopefully he will be on his best behavior, but I wouldn't bank on it.The thing with sexual addiction is repairing, or healing the brain is part of recovery but takes longer than with other addictions becuase of all the misinformation in the brain. Your ex has a long road ahead of him, it was his choice to go down this road (even though he lost his choice along the way) and it is up to him to get out of it and plant his feet on the right path again. This is a journey he needs to do alone, you can't help him now.Get some counseling for yourself, it will help you to get rid of these feelings and perhaps even identify a few other areas you need help with.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
Well, first of all ensure that you're daugher can see her dad (I'm sure you are). That's the most important thing. Secondy, if this really is over, you need to make clear to him once and for all that it is over. Then make sure that you can spend time woth friends, or doing things you like (hobbies and such) to keep your mind off the guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If it wasn't working and if you weren't happy, then you did the riight thing. Spend time getting over the split, enjoy your independence and when you're ready, maybe start dating again. Give it time.
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