A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old and started dating my husband when I was 16 years old. We tied the knot when I was 18 years old. Since we have been together, we have only physically been together a total of 9 months due to his deployments. Because of his absence,emotional and mental attention was needed more than usual and that became very stressful and difficult. He is five years older than me, and throughout his deployments I lived a very committed,faithful,and "adult-like" life and focused much of my attention on him, which included no social life. Although he is great man, he was/is somewhat controlling and manipulative, which made/makes it hard as a young girl to do the things I really want/wanted to do. It wasn't until a few months before he came back from Iraq that I cheated on him with three people, one of whom I fell in love with and who happens to be 20 years older than me. Days before my husband was coming back from Iraq I told him I was leaving him. At this time I was having an affair with the man that I fell in love with. My husband was devastated, as was I, but at the time I believed that my husband and I weren't meant to be together. I left my husband for this other man and destroyed his world. Soon after, my world started tumbling down and I the guilt and heartache set in deep. So I left this man so I could fix things and do things the right way. Shortly after, I found out my husband had cheated on me with a few girls throughout our relationship, but before we were married. Trust issues galore!Mu husband and I are currently together, but we are having serious issues. Communication, trust, patience, respect, and appreciation have went out the window pretty much. I feel obligated to stay because of the horrible thing I did. I don't feel like my heart is in it all the way and I can't seem to find the love I once had for my husband. After being with another man and seeing what a healthy and desired relationship should be like, I can't stop comparing. All I think about is the other man I fell in love with and actually talk to him sometimes, which I know is still a form of cheating--this makes me feel even more guilty. I feel like I should give my married more time, but I yearn for this other man. I know my marriage deserves more than this, but what about the other man?..the one who I'm in sync with, the one who gets me, the one that feels natural. I feel damned if I stay and damned if I go. Just thinking about it all makes me feel crazy!What I did to my husband was not right and I feel I need to make it right. Should I stay or should I go? My husband deserves more than to be with someone who isn't in it all the way. Even if I go, I may just stay single because going back to the man I left my husband for could leave me with guilt. Please give me some good advice! I need it badly!Thanks!
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male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (7 January 2010):
 1. You took marriage vows.We are all human and subject to mistake but you should give your marriage every chance you can. 2. With the amount of damage caused by both sides you will need outside help to resolve all the trust issues. 3. Love is a blessing that is given to us.It is something within us that allows us to care for others. You can love whom ever you choose and sometimes people you didn`t choose. What people seam to miss is that honesty and compatibility trump love in a relationship.You may feel that your falling out of love but your only deceiving yourself because you want something else.If both partners work at a relationship then the relationship will work for them.You husband was away and you got lonely so your emotions have lead your heart astray. I will pray for you and your marriage.
A
male
reader, redsox29 +, writes (7 January 2010):
"After being with another man and seeing what a healthy and desired relationship should be like, I can't stop comparing."??? I'm sorry but the guy you cheated on your husband with, that was not a healthy relationship at all. If you think it was, there are bigger issues here. First off, you guys got married way too young. You barely know who you are at that age and I am not suprised that you have both had wandering eyes. You and your husband need to sit down and have a real conversation about how you both feel. You both need to be brutally honesst and without getting angry, open up to each other. You two have known each other for far too long to not just be honest.I wish you both the best but any cheating will always lead to lost trust. You can try to overcome it, but it will always be in the back of your mind. Especially because it happened more than one time. Maybe you both would benefit from some marriage counseling. Good luck.
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