A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I wonder if anyone can help.I met a wonderful girl in university with who I have the most amazing friendship, and I consider to be by far the best friend I have ever had.For better or worse though, I am very attracted to her. I did approach the possibility of a relationship with her, but was turned down twice. This came as a bit of disappointment, especially as she had been giving signs of wanting more, and other people shared this opinion.After being turned down, I did pursue other romantic interests, and did have a very brief, and difficult relationship with another girl. We remained very close no matter what other girls I was interested in. Deep down though she remained the girl for me.She has been away now for a year, but I will see her again in three months. We have kept in touch and grown closer as friends, but she does seem to alternate between borderline flirting and reminding me strongly that we are just friends.Part of me hasn't given up on a romantic relationship, even though it seems futile. My reasoning is that we are very close and have a very intense bond, more than is normal in a friendship perhaps, and in that time I have become a better person, having overcome issues with depression, confidence, and anxiety. I really can't blame her for not wanting a relationship with someone who has depression, as it is something I have been through and know that it is horrendous.What I really want is to be able to make the most of our time together, without letting my strong attraction to her get in the way of enjoying what we have. If I can't fully believe that a relationship is not possible, how can I achieve this?She is a wonderful human being, and a true friend. I value her very much in both ways. I love her for who she is before I love her as a woman, but both are very intense loves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :)
I really do love her, everything about her, and I value her friendship deeply. We do just about everything together.
It would be tough on our friendship if either of us ended up in a relationship with another person. Probably it would be worse for me if she did than vice versa. Of course I would love to see her happy though.
A
male
reader, Mark_25_ +, writes (5 July 2011):
 Well you've put that you have overcome your problems with depression and anxiety, firsly, well done for that, I've suffered from both and it's without doubt the hardest things I've had to come through. So going back to the start of that sentence, you've overcome it, so, that shouldn't be entering into her logic.
It seems to be a trend here that we all have a very close best friend of the opposite sex. I'm exactly the same with my best friend, we have a really great connection and friendship, and the only thing that stopped us was that she already has a boyfriend. Now my view on our relationship has completely changed. I guess I'll try and tell you where your friend might be coming from, as it could be the same direction I am in my fiendship;
The way I now feel, is that I can never really see us as more than best friends. I know we are a pretty perfect match, I've spent a month with her literally non stop without going an hour away from each other, where we had to work together under stress and pressure, socailise etc. So there's not much that could cause any problems between us. But my point is, when your friends with someone so closely, you can't see anything more than a friendship there. I used to be able to picture spending my life with her, but now I can't even imagine kissing her. But we're still really close. So, I guess that could be how your friend feels; she just can't imagine a relationship with you. Also, it could be that she doesn't want to risk your friendship for something more.
You never know, when you do see her again, she might find that her feelings have changed, but don't be surprised if they don't. You could always ask her why she doesn't see anything happening between you both, if she gives her reasons, that'll help you understand it and help you to move on.
Either way, you don't want to let your feelings disrupt the friendship as she sounds like a real diamond of a friend.
Good luck, I hope that helped :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok I admit it...what I really want is to have a relationship with her, to be best friends and to be a couple. It's possible I guess, though highly unlikely
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A
female
reader, GoGreen126  +, writes (5 July 2011):
I can't offer much advice, just support that you aren't alone. I am a girl dealing with depression and the "special person" who helps me through is my best friend. We tried dating once a few years ago, but I was more attached than he was, so he ended it.
Depressed persons tend to attach to one person. I don't know why. My best advice for you is to explain the situation to her, telling her everything you posted (and more!). Tell her that you'd like to be with her if she so chooses, but that you could accept a rejection.
Good luck, mate. Your situation sucks.
Feel free to message me,
GG
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