A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Shane is extremely good to me. I've never had someone care for me as much as he has. But at times he wishes I would dress more sophisticated. He’s accustomed to dating very feminine, classy women, and I guess he assumed when we met that I was much the same. A tomboy I’m not, but I rarely wear makeup, my everyday wear consists of sweats and baseball caps, and god save me should I ever have to make it down a flight of stairs in heels! My family never valued physical attractiveness—it was transitory and superficial. Aesthetics was frivolous. They even resented my cousin for having braces because they felt it was an unnecessary cosmetic expense. On the other hand, my guy grew up with a mother who is very much into interior decorating and works in high end women's fashion. He appreciates a well put together woman with a sense of aesthetic. I do want to make myself look good, but honestly I don’t necessarily have the know how. How do I make myself more sophisticated without shunning my family values and without giving up a part of myself to please my guy?
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male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 There are pretentious people. There are natural people. There are sophisticated people. And there are some who are very good at being everyone but no one in particular. There is a saying, " You are what you are and you is what you is." You can make improvements. And little modifications. But the natural people will find this the hardest thing to do. That's their attraction. They're pure and natural. Change it, and they're not so pure and natural.
Take care , Richard
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (9 February 2008):
Have you considered a beauty course in make up and personal hair styling? maybe a course in deportment? You should be able to find some help in gaining the knowledge in these areas that you never had the chance to learn growing up. Knowing them will not change you or take you away from your family values but it will give you the confidence to make choices when it suits you.
I dated a girl once who had taught herself how to put on makeup. She had based it on watching her grandmother and the result was far too much and not at all flattering. It took me some time to persuade her to go to a short beauty course where she learned about her skin and complexion type, her colouring, facial shape and other things that are relevant. However the chance in her is tremendous. Where before she did not like to go out even to the corner shop unless she had the full makeup on, now she is relaxed with either none or very little for regular daytime and when going out for the evening knows exactly how to best use makeup to bring out her best look. It is amazing what confidence such a short course can give and it sounds like confidence is what you need.
Also, maybe you need to experiment with different clothes until you find other choices that you like. Take the advice also of Sweet-thing especially on the subject of heels. You want to look graceful and not like a stilt walker.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I hear your pain! On the one hand you don't want to completely "dissolve" into this guy's expectations, on the other hand, relationships are all about compromise and it may be time for a make-over on your behalf. There's nothing wrong with wearing sweats occasionally on the week-ends or when you guys are working around the house but there comes a time in every guy's mind that he wants to show off his gal. That's where the hair and make-up will become more important. I suggest you start buying some fashion magazines and learn from them. Glamour, Redbook, Comso -- all good for showing a woman how to play up her feminine sophisticated side. Also, you could try watching some of those makeover shows that are on all the cable networks. I used to be addicted to the Style Network, but I don't get it anymore. Too bad, it was quite enlightening. If that doesn't help, find a really good salon, and go in for a make-over. They will show you how to apply make up that's flattering and professional and won't take hours to apply. You may even want to consider getting highlights or other hair treatments that will make yourself look more "girlie". Don't worry about your famly values, it's time for you to come into your own. What our parents taught is us fine, but it doesn't define us as adults. That's where your own choices come into play. So don't be afraid to go against the grain. Your family will love you regardless. As far as high-heels go, it just takes practice, so start wearing them every chance you get, and please start out with 1/2" heels at first, don't start out trying to walk in 2" heels. You'll kill yourself! Once you've mastered 1/2" you can slowly move to 1" heels and so forth. Personally I never wear more than 1" heels, they stil make your legs look great and you don't have the wobble factor that 2" heels provide. Just remind your b/f that sometimes it's nice to be a tomboy. So don't lose yourself completely! You go girl. I wish you the best!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 When you are in love, you will change. You can read about beauty and make ups from magazines or online and from your guy. He can give you the inputs of what is his preferences.
If you like your guy , you will need to change some . Every girl likes to be beautiful. You can be amazed that a plain Jane can become very beautiful after the transformations of a new hairstyle, make up and new dress .
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 February 2008):
 You do what makes you feel special. Girls generally don't dress up or wear make up for their man, they do it so they feel good about how they look. He's with you for a reason, and you don't have to be fake to make him want to be with you.
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