A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This isn't your typical relationship question. I am currently involved with a man who treats my heart like a revolving door due to his own depression. I am madly in love with him and that won't change. My problem is my lack of self esteem that develops due to this - I have had countless acts of sexual abuse on me with my previous history and so I do not know how to love myself. I validate myself by how others love me. The reason I write is that I see myself falling further into depression as my boyfriend falls further. This troubles me because I have a 3 year old son (from a previous marriage) who is now daily witnessing me become upset. My son loves my boyfriend and he does treat us both well when he's not depressed but when he is it affects everyone. How do I turn my feelings of self pity into something positive for my son? How is it some woman only live for their kids and I am giving my boyfriend more of me? I don't know how to change this as I mentioned my past left me very needy for male affection. I would like to hear from single parents on how I can break this cycle and start focusing my energy on where I should...my son. Thankyou.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Kids come first. No matter what. You can replace a man, you can't replace your children.Get out of the relationship you are in. He needs lots and lots of help, starting with his depression and antidepressants and possibly some counseling.Do you think it's fair for your son to have an emotional life equal to that of a roller coaster? He will never know when it's ok to approach your boyfriend, because he could be having one of his fits of depression.I think you have some co dependancy issues with him and that's why you can't let go. You said so yourself that you have low self esteem. So learn how to love yourself.If you can't love yourself, then how can you love someone else?Put your son and all of his needs (emotional) first and foremost, no matter what, no excuses he comes first. If your boyfriend can't get himself under control, then I don't see why you are still with him. At least get rid of him until he can get himself under control.
A
male
reader, lsickle +, writes (16 November 2010):
My wife and I just had a discussion about a similar situation with a girlfriend of hers. Basically your in a cycle of needing the abuse to feel loved. My wifes friend has gone from relationship to relationship but the only ones that seem to last were the ones where she would be hit. It would seem that if there isnt any abuse then there isnt any love. Im sorry to say any quick answer for this can not be had. I know about depression and its effects. I suffer from depression bi polar disorder and add. I almost lost my marriage to it. I made the decision to go into treatment. Seven months later i can say it has saved my life. The only thing i can suggest is to seak treatment and therapy. Could be the life saving decision for you. Good luck and god bless. Oh and you being mistreated is the same as if the child were being abused. You asked the question which means your ready for that big step.
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