A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm looking for a bit of advice. Firstly, im not a slag, so please don't accuse me of being one. I admit that I have very low self-estem, and having sex makes me feel better about myself. There's a guy I really like, and I'm planning to have sex with him at a party next week. I know thats not a good way to start a relationship but I don't feel like he'd be interested in me any other way. How do I make it clear I don't want it to just be a one night stand without it being a massive turn off? Help? Thanks x
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Quite simply - he wont want a relationship with you if you have sex with him before you are officially in a relationship. If you sleep with him right away he will never think of you as anything more than an easy girl to get into bed, definitely not girlfriend material.
If you want a relationship with him then talk to him, maybe have a kiss, get his number and go on a few dates. That is a far better way to get him to like you, rather than offering your body so cheaply!
If he is not interested in girls unless he can have sex with them righr away - then he clearly is a player and uses girls, hence he is not boyfriend material.
Save yourself for a nice guy who actually wants to get to know you before he gets in your pants, you will have far better relationships and be far happier if you do this rather than jumping into bed with every guy you meet just to get them to like you!
Guys like sex, of course they do, but they also like girls - and if they want a girlfriend, they will be happy to get to know her first before sex is on the menu. Having sex with a guy wont make him like you, it will just make him think you are easy, and not the sort of girl he can have a relationship with. You will just be shooting yourself in the foot if you have sex with him at this party, and you will achieve the opposite of what you want if you do this.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Maybe you should feel better about yourself in less risky ways. If you have other hobbies and interests, a sense of accomplishment in them can give you a huge ego boost.
As far as having sex to get a guy interested, you're putting the cart before the horse. You make it clear that you don't want just a one night stand by not having sex right away! Get to know him for him and let him know you for you!
If a guy knows you are quick to have sex, he will not respect you. You will become the girl who is good for a booty call, but not to bring home to meet his parents. This in turn wrecks your self-esteem even more. It's a vicious circle.
Trust me, you do not have to have sex right away for self-esteem. If you stop having sex right away, sure you will lose some guy's interest, but they weren't interested in you as a person anyways, and I'm sure being the nice "piece of ass" for some guy to use is a mirage, not a true boost.
Take things slow with this guy is my advice, and if things progress to where you two have honestly cultivated a good relationship, then consider getting physical. It is a bit more patience, but the payoff is so much better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2011):
 if you sleep with him to make him like you.. he will use you and lower your self-esteem even more.
you will be a one night stand. or you will become his go to girl for getting his rocks off while he looks for a girl he likes and respects and wants to have a relationship with.
why would you want a boy who is ONLY interested in you for getting his rocks off????
I'm sorry sweetie but I WAS you at 16 and it really messed with my life later on... I am getting my third divorce now...
you can't control what other people think or do, only yourself...
it sucks to like a boy that doesn't see you the same way.... and it's very tempting to sleep with him to get attention from him and be close to him and the short term truly does outweigh the long term... I get that... I so get it..
I'm asking you to think long and hard about this...
be yourself but if he's not interested then there is not much else you can do to get his attention....
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