A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I started dating a man recently and he has a 2 year old boy from a previous relationship. I met his kid twice so far and he doesn't seem to like me at all! He turns his head around when i talk to him and he doesn't want to talk to me or let me touch him. It doesn't help either that he speaks very little for his age and his english is not very good yet, both his parents are not native English. What can i do to approach him? To make him like me? It's very important to me. And his father, my boyfriend tells me not to worry about it and that he just needs time. I know that, but i just need some advice on how to behave and what to say that may make him like me soon. I am not very good with kids in general. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2018): You don't try to get the child to like you.You're dating the dad and the child doesn't get a say in it.Are you meeting up with the dad for his saturday afternoon in the park?If so you greet the dad and ignore the child.The child only needs to have a connection with his dad.People like yourself are just scenery in the child's life at this stage.Don't step in to do anything for the child at all.Its his dad's time and the child doesn't need to even wonder what your connection is.The child has already told you non verbally that he doesn't want to talk to you or you get close to you.To put it bluntly the child fears you.He can't run away but he can turn his head away.Never hold a childs gaze if you see them looking at you curiously but turn your eyes away from the child rather than having a staring contest.Don't try to befriend the child at all!And finally are you sure that the dad has truly separated from the mum on a permanent basis because its quite possible that you are a secret in the dads life and he is still seeing his baby's mother.Be cautious in this situation because you may be dating an irresponsible dad who feels his child's time should include a woman who has never been pregnant and bore a child and who has non of the scars of life like a jelly belly and milk depleted breasts!Mum might be at home cooking and thinking fondly of her man while you are eyecandy to satisfy his ego.And he may have manoevered some space into his weekends to accommodate you.Even if he swears he is single you might pause to wonder why he is claiming this with a young child in his life.You really should be thinking about those issues rather than about why you feel a need to play at being 'park mum' for the afternoon.I'm sorry to be so blunt but you might want to have a complete rethink about why you are trying to mould yourself into this childs life when he already has two parents.
A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (17 November 2018):
 Just relax :) As far as he is concerned you are a random person he does not know. He is too young to understand that you are dating his dad.
Say hello to him, ask him how he is, and then leave him alone unless he comes to you. If he wants to play with you, he will tell you. Let him get used to just being around you. When he starts to say hello back, maybe you can ask to play with some of his toys with him sometime?
Just smile and be friendly and eventually it will work out. Being too much will push him away.
It is not that he does not "like" you. He just doesn't know you yet.
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A
female
reader, CherryR07 +, writes (16 November 2018):
Your boyfriend is right, he'll just need some time. Just make sure to be nice, and kind, and keep trying to speak to him, make sure you're approachable. you just
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2018): Kids warm-up to you, and don't like it when people try to rush them. He's only two, and strangers are scary and confusing. Very rarely do children take to strangers at that age; and sometimes they may never like you the way you want them to.
Be patient, gentle, and give him time. Kids are also very sensitive to anxiety or nervousness in adults; it's a built-in instinct to shy from unfamiliar adults. It's nature's safety-mechanism that protects them from harm.
Just seeing how you and his dad get along will build a little trust; but at that age, it might take a little time.
If he's shy and not very social, you'll scare him; no matter how nice you are to him. Just don't try too hard, or show disappointment in your facial-expression. It's no reflection on you, and it shouldn't have any bearing on your date's opinion of you. Just because you're female, doesn't mean kids will eagerly take to you. Kids can be fickle, and take easily to some people, but scream when others approach!
They have to know you first. Some tots are immediately friendly; because they are naturally out-going and develop social-skills very early-on in age. Some just don't.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 November 2018):
 He is two years old and YOU are a stranger. OF course he doesn't INSTANTANEOUSLY like you!
Many two year old are VERY particular about strangers and someone like you, who tries TOO HARD, are often ignores because it doesn't come across as genuine. Yes, a two year old can tell.
LET him come to you.
When you meet him say hi, "bob" and smile and then go on to more or less ignore him.
If I compared small children to cats... I don't really think I would be far off. If you TRY and pet a cat and befriend it, IT WILL IGNORE you. If you IGNORE the cat, you are then more interesting.
You can't MAKE him like you. It's that simple. But you CAN become someone he will warm up to over time.
LEARN (from your BF) how to say hi in their native language.
You wouldn't want a stranger to TOUCH you, so logic would follow that kids don't either. Don't force this.
Sometimes something as simple as a smile, a wink, or funny face is enough to garner interest.
He will come to you. For now YOU are a stranger. And most two year old are NOT into strangers.
How do I know? Well, for starters I worked in a daycare for a couple of years 9 months - 6 year old kids. And I have 3 kids of my own. Some younger second cousins/great nieces/nephews.
Chill.
You can't hurry this and you can't force it either. Kids don't like fake or desperate people. Because they haven't learned to social skills to "pretend" to be polite.
So, back off. Learn a few of HIS words, and don't be handsy or grabby. His DAD knows his son and is right that the kid just needs time.
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