A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now, and recently he told me that I have been sort of "suffocating" him in away, he says that when he first got with me he thought that he was going to be the "Annoying" "giving too much attention" to me because I am his first boyfriend/love.I don't know whats wrong with me, He told me that I kiss him too much, that I hug him too much and that I say I love you too much, now I feel guilty for feeling like this I am in no way mad at him for feeling like this towards me, I tried to put myself in his shoes and I guess I could say that yes I am annoying :(.I just want advice from people, in my relationship I am considered the top, and him the bottomTop = More of the "guy" in the relationship, stereotypically speaking and being the bottom is the opposite.Also he does hug me, kiss me, says i love you, but he rarely says it, but I know he does feel it, I do live with him he is always taking good care of me too.I'm confused, help.
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female
reader, Aura Answers You!  +, writes (14 January 2011):
Hi dear,
Well i'm gonna keep it short.. we all hear him loud and clear and he has told you... now that is fine and we do hear him whinging about too much love attention he is getting now that is fine... Now you are an affectionate person which he knew already. Be yourself and continue what you are doing and be yourself. You can give him affectionate and kisses and still give him space dear.. if you shut down completely you will be resentful and wonder what you are doing there... so be yourself and give him space you live together which is nice and you said he takes care of you which is nice.
Simple changes and visual changes is what he needs less calling and perhaps you got things to do yourself that you haven't paid attention to lately. Get busy dear I bet you got loads to do that you haven't been doing... it will come apart of you but not taking the essence of you away and who you are because he knew that you are an affectionate person by nature.. I am too but some guys find it overpowering so all we got to do is take it down a notch that will let them know that we are listening to them and have taken their woes on board without us becoming like a Stepford girlfriend/wife..
You got a nice loving relationship feel secure in it...
happy days!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Could you talk to him about other ways you can show your love to him? Perhaps in a way that he feels comfortable with? It's just a personality clash really, it's not that he doesn't care for you or loves you any bit less than you care for him and love him. But you have different ways of showing it. In addition I guess he comes from an upbringing, or is used to, less showing off affection, less cuddles, and more individuality.
He still appreciates your kisses and hugs. He just doesn't want you hanging around his neck. So talk to him about other ways you can show your love, let him know that it is important for you to be able to express your emotions! You should not try and hold back or hold it all in, that could actually cause you to stop caring for him.. because then you push him away mentally. Tell him that as well, so he realizes it's not something you can just switch off. You love him, and you need to be allowed to express that. But there's compromise!
For example, perhaps you can make a routine out of something, so that you can plan for when you are allowed to huggle and snuggle all you want. That would give you something to look forward to and enjoy, and he could enjoy it too because he will get some breathing space the rest of the time. For example you can say that each time you go to watch a movie together you get to snuggle and cuddle all you want. But then when the movie is done you keep your hands to yourself a bit more.
And, for example, each time you feel like telling him you love him, or want to hug him, you can give him a big smile instead. Or do something that you enjoy just because you want to celebrate how much you love him. Like singing if you enjoy that. Or dancing. They are both ways to express feelings other than physical contact.
Thats just some ideas, figure out what will work for the both of you! Don't stop showing him your love! Just find different ways to show it ;)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 I guess this is just a personality clash if nothing else. It doesnt come across like you are being clingy or needy it just seems that you are quite an affectionate person which is great but he obviously is just not as affectionate as you when it comes to kissing and hugging. Just remember that there is nothing wrong with either of you its just who you both are and you are both different in that department.
Dont stop being affectionate with him just cut it down a bit. Telling someone that you love them is nothing compared to showing them by being there for them and treating them well. Just give him some space to breathe. Keep the hugging and kissing to maybe night time and check to see what kind of mood he is in first and if you feel he would like that.
Also its good to be independant in a relationship as well and to give each other space to live your own lives as well. Do things seperately as well as together. Maybe check out some hobbies or clubs that you could do on your own and him the same instead of the both of you being together. It will give you both time apart and it will also give you more things to talk about.
Goodluck.
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