A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is very clingy. She was not as bad earlier in the relationship. It was more tolerable. Now it's like call me or we don't talk enough meanwhile I text and talk as much as I can. She keeps track of dates, times we talk and the duration. I don't like it. I feel like she needs to quit being so dependent on me. Little background she is on disability and is home all day I do work. She is a loving person and I do love and care for her but these issues are really affecting me. I have discussed it with her she says she won't do it again but her words last for about a week then were back to the same song and dance. How do I make her see I can't always be giving her attention?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2021): Maybe she needs more attention than you can give her. There are men out where who can you know.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 June 2021):
 The problem here is that you have two major areas in your life - work and your girlfriend - while she only has the one, which is, of course, YOU. She is bored and her life revolves around you. Flattering as that may be initially, it eventually becomes draining, as you are discovering.
I think you need to draw boundaries and STICK TO THEM. Tell her when you are prepared to communicate with her and, outside those times, mute your phone and refuse to enter into any communication with her. If you stand your ground, she will eventually have to accept the situation.
I had a similar problem with my partner when he took early retirement and was at home all the time while I was at work. I had to be quite firm and insist that, except in the case of an emergency, he needed to drop me a text if he needed to speak and I would contact him on my next break. It took a little time for him to get used to this but it works well for us now.
Your girlfriend needs to find another interest apart from you so that her attention is not focused solely on you, otherwise she will end up smothering your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2021): This is one of those kind of relationship problems that usually works themselves out. You can't be namby-pamby when you are setting boundaries. When you speak to other adults as if they're children; they will not take anything discussed seriously. They will take advantage of you when they realize you're afraid to be firm and assertive.
She will wear you out with her childish teenage-foolishness; and you will dump her. That's the ultimate outcome if you don't just be straight-forward. That doesn't mean you have to be rude; but explain with good reason, and stick to it.
You have to establish boundaries and compromise in order to maintain harmony and peace within a relationship.
If she's too needy, and you're not the cuddly romantic-type; maybe you're mismatched.
You don't have to tip-toe around the fact she has disabilities; she's still an adult...I will presume. She is trying to whip you into the sappy kind of boyfriend who constantly fawns all-over her. Let her know when it's the busiest time of your workday. Set aside time for calls, dates, and visits; to make sure she's getting the quality-time she deserves. Let her know, that it makes you feel smothered and cornered when you know you're not always available when she is begging for extra attention. Then laydown the ultimatum that the relationship cannot continue; if she can't understand that you don't always have the luxury of time for chatting when you have to work.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2021):
 I don't think you can "make" her see this. She knows, but she WANTS the attention and she WANTS access to you 24/7 and she WANTS you to respond. This is how SHE feels loved. Kind of hard to argue with that, right?
My advice?
Tell her UNLESS there is an emergency you will NOT be available while at work. There can be a lunch text convo or phone call (if that works for YOU - as you are the one working). And then you STICK to it. If she calls - don't answer, same with texts. Basically, (and I HATE to use this expression yet here we are) you will have to TRAIN her to respect YOUR boundaries.
She can keep track of calls and texts but I'd let her know that you won't. That your FEELINGS for her is not tied to the amount of time or texts you send.
I would also suggest that YOU talk to her about developing a hobby. One that SHE can enjoy and find rewarding, that ALL her "entertainment" can not come from one source (you).
Is she in her 30's too? If so, she IS old enough to understand that YOU are at work to WORK, not to call and text her constantly.
So many people have a really unhealthy NEED for constant validation and entertainment. Instead of PERSONAL interaction, such as hanging out, doing things together, and separate.
In the end, if this doesn't work, then what?
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