A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi i've just come across this website so i don't know if this is a type of question you can help me with but i'll give it ago. I'm 16 currently at college/6th form. About 5 weeks ago there was a new girl came into our college, she is in nearly all of my lessons and those that my 2 best mates are in(ones a girl and ones a lad) She seems really nice but is very shy. She was put with 3 other girls who all hang round together on her first day so they could look after her but they didn't really like her as she was different to them. Shes a nice person and just because she doesn't smoke, she doesn't go round trying to get excluded and because shes nice to people they just ditched her, so as you may tell hes not had a good start to college and with being new shes found it qite hard to fit in. She was on her own most dinner times, didn't know who to ask for direcions to classes, and just generally on her own. Well i knew her from having to take her to our class because she recognised me from the day before, we started to get to know each other better and shes really nice and is just like us dispite the fact shes new and abit shy atm. I introduced her to the two i hang round with and they both love her and especially got on with the girl(i won't mention names). We've all been hanging around together for about 3 weeks and shes really starting to open up. I have to admit it took alot of time but shes starting to be happier now :) Well on saturday i'm having a sleepover because my mum will be next door for most of the night, i don't have a dad, one of my best mates(the lad) is stopping with us for the weekend anyway because his mum and step dad have gone away so i decided to invite my other best mate as well. We decided to ask the new girl to see if she wanted to come because we've all been getting on so well and really getting to know her. She knows there won't be drinking or anything it'll just be us all hanging out. Anyway shes coming(yay) and her mum and dad are pleased shes making new friends. I just don't want her to start feeling left out or anything because obviously us 3 know each other better than she does and she is quite shy so i don't want her to just sit there thinking she cant join in. So any suggestions on how to make her feel included more? Hope you can help sorry if i've gone on and on but i've never wrote up to these things before.
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (30 October 2007):
Sounds to me as if you are doing everything right.
Allow her to open up in her own time and let nature take its course. If she feels really comfortable with you all I no doubt she will open up and this will allow your friendships with her to develop even more.
The secret here is not to push things too hard and not to exclude her either. When the four of you are together try to make it a group of four or two groups of two never you three and the new girl. Maybe do something together that the new girl suggests, maybe getting the new girl to help you all with something that she is better at than the rest of you. General conversations to seek further what you all have in common. The secret is to inclue her without smothering her so if you get this right you will get everything else right too.
You three sound like good friends that anybody new would enjoy being around so good on you all.
A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x +, writes (29 October 2007):
 Firstly, you've been really considerate and I admire you for trying to make things better for the girl, she would obviously appreciate it.
Right, well, as she's shy, by all means try to include her, but avoid making her centre of attention too often, because if she doesn't know you 3 as well as you know each other, she might end up feeling very uncomfortable.
A sleepover isn't really any different to hanging out together at college, (except that it's just you 4 and it's for longer), so just do what you normally do when you spend time together?
Avoid conversations just between you 3, try to get her talking with all of you.
After a while she should start feeling included and she'll loosen up a bit :]
Hope that helped?
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): awww, you and your freinds sound very nice. Don't try and push her to join in, if she wants to talk or join in she will. Just be open with her and talk to her. She obviously feel relaxed with you guys as she's opening up. I should know as I'm shy myself
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