A
female
age
30-35,
*aren1989
writes:I spend a lot of time giving advice on here but am yet to take some myself. I thought it was about time that i got things of my chest...any advice on this dilema would be much appreciated!About 5 or 6 months ago i stopped seeing somebody who had been treating me quite badly, not to my face,to my face he was lovely but behind my back he had been playing away.I was with this guy for just over a year. Anyway so that finished and i found it REALLY hard to get over him-i hate to admit it but i guess i kinda fell in love with him. I'm still not quite over him,we will never get back together i would never be able to trust him and he is with somebody else now anyway. I recently brought myself to start dating again (so hard) nobody quite compares to him. But i have met this one guy who i've started seeing, hes-nice looking,kind,polite,respectful,easy to talk to,etc. but the spark isnt there,maybe its not there because i still have feelings for the other guy,i duno. either way the spark isnt there. The thing is he really likes me. I don't want to persue this with him any longer because i know that i don't like him in that way. Hes so lovely though and i feel like ive kinda led him on. How do i let him down gently? I feel like such a bitch, any ideas?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 There was a time when I wasn't over my ex and I was attracted to other guys. If he doesn't do a thing for you, he probably won't. Of course you can try it out with him. It takes two to make a decision. He knows you are not over his ex if he doesn't tell him. He enters this at his own risk. Relationships are a gamble. Under all the right circumstances people can still break up a few years later because they can grow apart. The worst thing you can do is stay with him just because you don't want to hurt him now. If you want to try it out with him because you sincerely want to get to know him better by all means do it. You can still decide later whether you want to be a friend or a lover, or nothing at all. Then you can say you are dumping him because you found out you don't like him that way anyway, not because you want to play him. Statistically, more often than not, rebounds don't work out but he doesn't have to be a rebound forever. There are nice guys who always end up rebound guys. If they want a change they have to stop falling in love so soon.
A
female
reader, karen1989 +, writes (13 July 2010):
karen1989 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys. And a goodbye BJ lol...it wouldnt happen.
Only thing is this guy comes across a little sensitive,i really don't want to hurt anyone i know how that feels. maybe i havent given him a proper chance yet, i think i can't feel anything towards him because i still have feelings for the other guy. Should i just give it a chance with this new guy and see if i develop any feelings? or would that be unfair because it would be almost like i'm using him to get over my ex?-Thank you
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality  +, writes (13 July 2010):
As a guy I want the truth. Yeah, kick me in the teeth at the start but I will get over it probably faster than you think. Just be honest and not over patronizing. Also a goodbye BJ goes a long way too.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 July 2010):
Even when you get over your ex the spark won't be there. You have to find your own way to let him down. Some guys want to hear the truth, some rather not, some want reassurance that they are still attractive even if you rejected them. As soon as you are done with him, it's not your business to care about him. You can't let him affect your day. If he takes it well, good for you. If he doesn't hear you and act like a stalker, you have no choice but to be a little bitchy so he can get the message.
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